"If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities." Luke 16:10
Over the weekend, I had another birthday.
As I get older, I really do appreciate each year of life.
I also appreciate things and people that I probably took for granted in my earlier years.
The brevity of life is very clear as we grow older.
I am totally tracking with the Psalmist who wrote Psalm 90:12...
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
The older I get, you can be sure I am starting to number my days!
This past week, my heart has been so full of gratitude. I actually left lunch with some friends recently and cried the whole way home.
No, no, no, not hormones.
I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude. I cried my mascara right off and told God that I did not feel like I deserved the blessings He gives me.
Honestly, I wasn't having a pity party, just a straight up honest to goodness truth telling moment. I told God through those tears that I did not feel worthy of the family and friendships in my life.
I told Him that I wanted to make sure I was faithful in all of the things He has given me.
Faithful in my marriage. Faithful in motherhood. Faithful in being a daughter. Faithful in being a sister. Faithful in being an aunt. Faithful in being a friend.
Faithful with the people and opportunities He has given me.
I want to speak well of people. At all times. It can be hard when someone has hurt you--or worse-- hurt someone you love.
I want to speak well of my husband to others--not complaining or daydreaming of someone else's supposed greener grass.
I want to speak words of life over my kids--not words of agitation, guilt, impatience, and frustration.
I want to be present with those around me.
Many, many things can pull at my attention throughout the day--especially my phone.
Being faithful in all of these areas requires discipline and managing my hours and minutes and even seconds well.
This desire to be faithful, is not just a new years resolution, it is a lifetime journey. I want to be faithful because God is so very Faithful to me.
As I look back on my life, I see every reason in the whole wide world for God to have abandoned me and to have thrown His Holy hands up in the air and walked away rolling His eyes.
I have let Him down.
I have sinned.
I have turned my back on Him.
I have disobeyed Him.
I have chosen the wider path many times.
I have screamed at Him.
I have told Him He was not good.
Yet, just like a Good Father, He never ever left me.
He is Faithful.
He has taught me unconditional love by the way He loves me.
He has shown me oceans of Grace over and over and over when I did not deserve an ounce of it.
He has loved me at my worst.
He is Faithful.
I will never, this side of Heaven, be able to comprehend His Love for me. My human heart will never get it.
But, I desperately want Him to know how grateful I am... for His Faithfulness.
I wanna be faithful in all the ways I can.
I wanna represent Him well to anyone that will listen, because He has represented me when I was unworthy to be represented.
So often I have thought of faithfulness as this lofty and holy goal that was just absolutely out of reach.
He is showing me that faithfulness is a heart issue. It is not something to be acquired by how many scriptures we have memorized or how many Sundays we go to church...
Faithfulness shows up in the tiniest of moments.
In my thoughts...
In my reactions to people that step on my toes--or a loved ones toes...
In the way I treat people--all people...
In the way I treat my family...
In the way I spend my time...
In the things I let my eyes see...
In the things I let my ears listen to...
In the words that come out of my mouth...
In the way I live my life outside of the view of others...
He sees it all.
He is El Roi--The God who sees me.
I want Him to see faithfulness.
Not perfection, oh so far from that...
Just a heart desiring faithfulness.
another year older,