Nov 19, 2020

Man in a van...

 For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come. Hebrews 13:14

"Did you hear about the homeless man that died?"

I was just about to start my YogaFaith class when one of my students asked this. 

"Wait, what? You don't mean the homeless man that lived in the gold van...." I inquired. 

She responded, "Yes, I think that's him."

My heart sank. 

Please, Jesus, no more bad news. 

Collecting myself, I mustered my way through the class. 

As soon as I got to the privacy of my car, I wept. 

David, the homeless man in a van,  was my friend. I have written about him several times, here and here and here. 

We had talked countless times. 

Some friends and myself had tried very hard to share the gospel of Jesus with him. He refused to believe. 

Frustrated as we were, we decided that eventually he would believe. He just needed more time. 

God had brought him to my mind many times in the weeks leading up to his death. My husband had even seen him and talked to him very recently. 

I just keep asking The Lord, "What was the point? Why did you put him into my life?"

David was hard headed and stubborn and refused to believe anything I spoke of Jesus. But, he always listened. He always questioned. Then always, like clockwork...

He would shake his head and say, "Nahhhh."

As the days go by since his death, I see a little clearer now. 

I see not how I changed David's life...but how he changed mine. 

David opened my eyes to a world that I often do not see. 

After meeting David, I was jolted out of my comfort zone and into a cold, cruel, lonely reality that exists...

For so many.

God has put homeless people into my life for the past 8 years. Every one of them leaving scars on my heart. 

The first one was Zora, with the 8 children. All boys. 

I wanted to help her so badly...

Until the Lord spoke so clearly into my heart..."Jill, just be her friend. Nothing more. Nothing less."

And then there was the precious lady at the homeless shelter...

And then there was Robert....

And then, David. 

All 3 of them have changed me in different ways. 

All 3 of them did not need me...

But God knew how desperately I needed them. 

Often we don't recognize the pride, the self-centeredness, the greed, the glutton...

Until we are faced with the most humble souls on planet Earth.

Perhaps this is how the woman at the well felt when Jesus approached her. Naked in her sin. Uncovered. 

Yet, at the same time, her eyes were opened. She was made whole. 

I have no inspiring words to write.

I have no catchy story to tell. 

I just have to tell you about David. 

He was my friend. 

And I miss him already. 

My prayer for my friend is that he is finally Home. Resting his weary head in the Arms of Jesus. 

My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?

Nothing is impossible for those who believe...Mark 9:23

goodbye friend, 


Nov 17, 2020

What concerns you?

 Sometimes God will just knock me over the head with His Words. It hits me so hard that I am dizzy almost for days. 

Recently, this happened. 

I was reading through a prayer book and these words stood out on the page like a neon sign. 

The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands. Psalm 138:8

I gasped loudly when I came across it. 

Several years ago, I had prayed this fervently over a child of mine. This child was facing a fierce battle of the enemy, and I prayed it desperately to God inserting my child's name in the verse. 

My mind was filled with gratitude as I looked back on how far this child has come since those dark days. 

In that season, I would pray those words over my child, but honestly, I would only half-believe them. 

Don't get me wrong, I WANTED to believe them. I NEEDED to believe them. But, deep down, I just wasn't sure if God would pull through on this. 

Do you know what I mean?

Have you felt this way? You want to believe so badly. You have no choice but to HOPE with all of your heart...

But goodness, sometimes it just seems like there is no way God can make this better. It just does not seem possible. 

There is a verse that my daughter drew for me a long time ago. It is stuck to my fridge with a magnet. 

"For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

Here is how I picture this verse...

I imagine getting up in the middle of the night from my bed...pure darkness. 

I know the way to my bathroom, but I cannot see an inch in front of me. 

I walk slowly. I trust that I know the way to get there. 

However, I have to remember and trust the way or I may run into a piece of furniture (or step on my dog). 

I have faith that I will make it to the bathroom...but it can be a bit wobbly of a walk. 

We have this idea at times that our faith has to be rock solid and unwavering...

I think that would be awesome. 

But, often, I think our faith does waver...yet we keep praying. We keep reading that scripture desperately wanting to believe it to be true. We keep putting our HOPE in the Lord...even when no hope is in sight. 

We keep walking. Blind as a bat, but sure of the way. 

He is the Way. He will perfect that which concerns us. He will perfect that which concerns your loved one. 

What concerns you right this very second?

How about taking that step of faith. 

Dark as it is...take the step. 

He will be right beside you. 

It may take a while for you to begin to see His plan...

But, He is perfecting it all the while. 

still dizzy, 


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