I am still here!
Kids are back in school, and life is kind of, sort of, weirdly, going back to normal-ish.
Today, I took my son and my nephew to lunch. Their first day of college for their sophomore year is TOMORROW.
As I looked at their suddenly not teenager, manly features, I gulped back a huge lump in my throat.
They are so grown.
My heart has a hard time catching up with reality at times.
I always feel like I am ready to let go again...
Then, the pain of missing seeing my boy and his face every morning sneaks right up on me.
Years ago, I began to pray for this season. I watched my sister go through it with her first born, so I KNEW it would be difficult.
God is FAITHFUL.
He has answered all of those prayers, yet, my flesh is still very weak at times.
I miss waking him up in the morning.
I miss our long, very long, walks and talks around our small town.
I miss his smile that always makes my heart skip a beat or two.
I miss him being here.
It is strange getting those 3 plates out for supper again.
Change is hard. Always.
Looking out my window, I see a big and beautiful butterfly flittering around.
What a perfect reminder of change.
I don't want my kids to stay cocooned forever....
I want to see them fly.
But, I miss that cocoon often.
I think on those sweet days of him lugging his book bag, way too big for his 5 year old shoulders.
Our lunches outside at his school. Back in the old days when you could actually visit your children at school.
Pushing the back of his seat on that new bcycle, holding him steady as he peddled.
His first soccer game at 4 years old...bribing him with skittles to go onto the field.
Good grief. Here come the tears again.
If you are a momma, it is okay to cry. It is okay to not be okay at times.
Motherhood stretches our hearts in ways that can be very, very painful.
It is worth every pain.
Nothing in this world has ever brought me face DOWN on my hardwood floor before Jesus like motherhood has.
Nothing in this world has made me more raging MAD like a momma bear when her cubs are messed with, like motherhood has.
Nothing in this world has HUMBLED me to the lowest depths like motherhood has.
Nothing in this world has made me more PROUD than motherhood has.
Nothing in this world has revealed more of my FLAWS than motherhood has.
If you are a mother, hang in there, sweet one.
The ride is bumpy and changing and oh so very unpredictable.
God sees you. God sees me. God sees us.
He is right beside us, holding our often trembling and empty hands.
If we could only see just how near He is....
Here is a good reminder...read it out loud. Again and again...