Aug 12, 2019

Goodbye....

Since writing is therapy to me, here goes...

We moved my son into his dorm this weekend. All went really well. No tears. Just new adventures and schedules and new people.

Until he walked out the door this morning to make his journey to school. 

Something melted in my heart when he held onto me a little longer than usual in our hug. 

I was so good...until that moment. 

My daughter, who was already trying to hold it together, fell apart. 

Her fresh mascara streaming down her cheeks. 

"Be strong, Jill. Be strong for them." I kept repeating this over and over in my head. 

Last night I tossed and turned. I kept waking up with anxious thoughts running through my mind. 

"Lord, help me here. I need you to give me...something."

I heard these whispering words in my heart, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I have all that I need." 

Psalm 23, one of the very first scriptures I helped to inscribe on the hearts of my children. I was now repeating these same words. Over and over. 

I fell back asleep with these words on my lips. 

He comforts us. He brings us peace. 

Again, I pictured Mary. The mother of Jesus. 

She endured the suffering. At the foot of the cross she endured. 

She watched so bravely as her Son left her....for good. 

Mary could have easily ran off and closed her eyes to this moment of suffering and pain. 

But, she didn't. She chose to stay. To endure. To be fully present. 

I'm reminded of some words from my friend, Kelli. Her mother passed last year rather unexpectedly. As her heart heals from grief, she said she was learning to eat the fruit of the moment that God gives her. Sometimes, it is bitter, she said. Sometimes it is sweet. Yet, she eats. Accepting the fruit from His Hands. 

Kelli's words soothe me as I take a bite of bitter fruit. Not quite ripe with sweetness, but knowing that God has good plans. 

I trust Him. With my all of my heart. 

My son was at the table eating breakfast early this morning. Disheveled hair, and sleepy eyes. I walked over and kissed his forehead. I glanced at his phone on the table in front of him. 

He was reading the Bible on his phone. 

There is not one thing on earth that could have made my mother heart sing more. Not one thing that could have assured me more...that this child was ready. 

God is so sweet and tender. He knew what my heart needed. 

He knew that moment would be seared forever on my heart. 

The fruit was sweet, oh so sweet in that moment. 

Whatever season you find yourself in...

Eat the fruit of it. 

Be present and receive what His Hands provide. 

Mary saw Jesus again...in angelic Glory. 

Without the bitter,  the sweet richness of the fruit cannot fully blossom. 

Several weeks ago,  a friend asked me to sub for her Monday morning yoga class for the entire month of August.  I excitedly said yes, but really regretted it this morning. I was tired, and sad. And just did not have the energy to teach. Who wants a teacher that cries the whole class?!

However, being surrounded by a room full of people, most older than me who have walked the path that I am walking, brought sweet healing.  It brought life into my wounds, and was exactly the salve I needed. 

God had already prepared for that moment. He knew I needed to teach this morning. Way before I knew. 

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

May we choose to eat the fruit He provides. He is good. 


i have all that i need, 


jill







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