Jul 31, 2017

Who am I?

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11

My children started back to school today. Joseph is in 11th grade, Presley is in 7th grade.

I was doing fine. Really, I was.

Until, we gathered to pray before we headed out the door.

We were in the kitchen. We grabbed hands.

I began to pray.

And, stopped mid sentence.

Suddenly, I couldn't find my voice. It had disappeared.

Tears were stinging my tired eyes.

My kids both asked, "What's wrong, Mom?"

I gathered my sorrow and managed to squeak out some semblance of a prayer.

The emotions flooded and I tried hard to push them back down.

"Jill, it is just another day. Calm yourself. Get a hold. Don't do this here and now."

These are the words I spoke to myself. A pep talk cheering myself to be the kind of mom that doesn't cry at every drop of the hat.

I mean, what the heck is wrong with me?

Why do I do this every.single.year?

As I pondered the why's in all of these emotions, I remembered something the Lord revealed to my heart a few years ago.

If I am not careful, I can get my identity confused with something that it is not supposed to be.

Being a mother made my identity real. Palpable.

I remember when my son was born, I felt like my life finally was beginning. My entire life I had dreamed of being a mother.

When motherhood was fulfilled, I thought I was finally living out my identity.

However, I was wrong.

My identity is not in motherhood, it is in Christ.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9

Motherhood is a high calling, make no mistake. However, Jesus Christ is our highest calling and purpose.

If I put the entirety of my identity into being a mother, I will lose my identity as soon as they flee my nest. Although they will still be mine, my role of daily taking care of them will change.

When my identity is in Christ, I have something that is not earthly and temporal. An identity that can never be shaken or taken away.

Being a mother is a part of who I am, but not the whole.

The whole of who I am is a follower of Christ.

Jesus' disciples lived this out for us.

They were made up of fisherman and a tax collector. Yet, when Jesus asked them to follow, they laid their identity's aside to follow.

Their value was not based on who they were, but Whose they were.

It is the same for us.

We can get tangled up thinking our value is in our motherhood, our marriage, our financial status, our friendship circle, our church.....

But, we will never find true fulfillment and contentment until we realize that our true identity is in Jesus Christ alone.

We must not love these things more than we love Him.

Idols can form in our hearts, even our own children can become idols.

So often I have asked God to take any desire away from my heart that leads me away from Him.

23Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

He has always answered this prayer, but not without painful severances at time.

However, nothing comes close to realizing that no matter my surroundings and circumstances, I belong to Jesus Christ. The giver of Peace. The giver of Life. The giver of Hope. The giver of Contentment.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I have all that I need. Psalm 23:1

By the time my kids get home from school, my tears will be dry. My heart will be mended.

Sometimes we just need to go sit in the Father's lap and be reminded of His love for us and how we belong to Him.

He is what makes us who we are.

No need to worry if you have an identity, if you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you are identity is sealed. For eternity.

remembering Whose I am,


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