May 15, 2017

Where I'm at.....

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Really, I thought I would be in a different place in this season of my life. I had it all figured out.

I was going to be writing devotionals for Lifeway [ahem, ok, don't laugh], and I would be blogging daily.

Well, both of those things are not happening.

My kids are growing older, and, well, I am too.

5 years ago I longed for this day to be able to write as much as I wanted to! To be able to just sit at the Lord's feet day in and day out soaking up His Wisdom as I sip on my vanilla latte.

Oh, the naivety  of a middle aged woman with a big dreaming heart.

I never dreamed that in this season of my life I would actually have less time to write. Less time to just sit and sip at the feet of Jesus.

Don't get me wrong, I definitely sit with Jesus. Just not all day long like I had imagined.

I just knew I would be blogging daily. Pouring out wisdom from my fingertips. [please try not to spew your coffee laughing].

The more time that goes by, the quieter I become.

I am learning to listen instead of talk.

I am learning that being less means gaining more of Him.

Instead of racking my brain for stories to write, I find myself living out my stories instead of typing them out.

This is so contrary to the life I had imagined.

I do not have life figured out. Or parenting. Or marriage. Or anything really.

But, I do have one thing down...

I need Jesus daily.

In every decision.

In every moment.

In every second.

I am learning that the world has a lot to say and so do many well-meaning people.

But, what is God saying to me? That is what I want to know.

That is the true desire of my heart.

I used to look for parenting examples--hard and fast rules to produce good kids.

Now, I see that He will guide me if I listen. If I search for Him in my days. If I read His words and obey His commands. He will show me the path for our family.

 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Psalm 32:8

There are many people that want to tell us how to raise perfect kids, be the perfect family, be the perfect momma...

We need to hear what God has to say regarding our family.j

He knitted us together...He knows every detail of His purpose and His plans for us.

We can be encouraged by parenting examples, but we must not make them rigid laws and rules for our family. [and we must not judge others that are not doing the same thing we are]

If we listen, if we turn our hearts and our ears to the Lord....

We will hear His gentle whisper.

One of my favorite chapters in the bible comes from 1 Kings. God tells Elijah to prepare for His presence to pass by. [can you imagine??!!]

1 Kings 19:11-13

11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

Did you catch that? God wasn't in the wind, or the earthquake, or the fire...

He was in a gentle whisper.

I think many times in my desperate need to be heard or seen...I have missed what the Lord is telling me.

I think if I am loud enough, or wise enough, or on display enough....then I will be doing God a favor. Because surely He wants me to let everyone know exactly what I think, or what I would do, or what I am doing. Right?

Perhaps our lives can speak loud without us saying a word.


He just wants me to look up. To listen. To be still. To be quiet.

Could it be that I may miss out on His whisper for trying to shout to the world?

Or, for listening to the shouts of the world.

I have done both.

The more years that go by in my parenting [and in life], the more I realize I still have so much to learn. Oh so much.

Being present in these parenting moments can be challenging in a world that is loud. And alluring. So many choices. So many ways. So many!

Surely Elijah thought God was in that powerful wind, or earthquake, or fire...

Maybe God is in the minutia of our life-so entrenched in the daily details of our days- that we often miss Him.

Maybe we are busy  looking for God in big revelations and mighty displays....

When He is there in the smallest and most overlooked moments of our days.

Maybe one day I will write more often. Tell more stories.

But for this season, you will find me listening. Because I so desperately want to hear His voice above all the others.

leaning in,


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