Feb 28, 2015

Are you lonesome tonight?

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[Yes, the title of this is from an Elvis song. If you know me, you know I love Elvis. Please, love me anyway]

It never fails to amaze me how scripture can come alive each time you read it.

I remember reading in Exodus, these very passages, a couple of years ago. The Lord spoke so much to my heart at that time. He showed me how I had tendencies to be JUST like the Israelites in the wilderness. Always complaining, Never satisfied. Looking to someone or something else, instead of Him, for direction. The list could go on.

He showed me that my constant desire for "what was ahead" instead of enjoying Him in the present was keeping me from being content. He is all I need. The end. He is enough. The end.

Fast forward to reading through Exodus in this season in my life. I see a different teaching.

I have shared with some very close friends, and now with you trustworthy friends, that I often struggle with loneliness. It's no fun. And I just do not get it.

Even surrounded by family and friends, I can get extremely lonely.

As I read about Moses, the thing that strikes my heart so hard about him is that he must have been lonely!

So far, the reading hasn't mentioned him being lonely, but I just have a huge inclination to believe that he struggled with feeling lonely.

The Israelites often were upset with him. They even tried to go back to Egypt because they were so miserable and without hope and faith. EVEN after God led them through the Red Sea and crushed the Egyptian army, these Israelites still did not believe that God was with them.

Can't we all be a little like the Israelites?? Despite a mighty work by the Hands of God, we still fall into unbelief once the goodness and awe has worn off.

So, back to Moses and his loneliness.

Although he was surrounded by thousands of people, his heart must have felt alone.

Did he have anyone to bounce things off of? Yes, he did have Aaron and Hur. However, he was still the one leading. The one in charge. The one that had to relay God's messages, even when the messages were not what the people wanted to hear.

If we are honest, don't we all struggle with loneliness at times? Feeling like no one could possibly understand what's happening in our hearts? Feeling even at a loss for words of how to describe what you are feeling?

Just this week, I was having one of those days.

I was driving. As usual.

I picked up the phone to call my husband, Lem, he did not answer. I needed to talk. I needed to share. I needed him to understand. Even though I did not even understand how I was feeling.

After he did not answer, I racked my brain for someone to call that I could just spill it all out to....

No one came to mind.

Yes, there are plenty of people that would have listened. But, really, truthfully, that is not what I needed.

I needed God.

Right there. Right then.

Immediately, I went to the Lord in prayer. Sobbing my ever-lovin' caked on mascara eyes out.

"Lord, I don't get it! Why do I feel this way? What is happening? I know You know how I feel, but I need you to help me understand this."

As soon as the words left my lips, I heard a gently whisper in my spirit. "You need Me, Jill. The loneliness is a deep and gaping need for Me. Don't try to fill it with other people. Come to Me."

I sobbed some more.

Right there in that moment, I realized that this would be a life time struggle. My heart will never be completely content until I am Home with my Lord. Loneliness will always be a signal of my Home awaiting for me one sweet day.

It's a longing that is unexplainable. No one and nothing can fill it. But God.

As I listen to the stories of others that I talk to, I realize this is true. Loneliness can disguise itself in many ways. Through addiction, depression, anxiety, fear...so many masks.

What we really crave is Him. 

Moses is no different. Although he was chosen to lead the people to a new and wonderful place, his heart must have been in a deep and lonely place longing for his permanent residence with God.

The Promised Land that Moses was leading these people to would never take the place of their need for God. It was a gift from God. A promise from God. But, never was it intended to take the place of God.

If you are lonely today, lift that sweet chin up to your Father in Heaven. He gets it. Oh, how He gets it. He is waiting on you to come to Him. Drop everything else, and go to Him. NOTHING can heal that lonely spot but Him.

I'm thankful for women around me that understand and will encourage. I'm thankful that I have women around me that point me straight back to Christ when I am in this place.

Maybe you are not in a lonely season, but I will bet you my favorite lip gloss that someone very close to you is lonely. Seek them out. Pray for them. Pray with them. Point the way to Christ.

lonely for Him,


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