Jul 4, 2014

You are Enough......

July Reading: Psalm 1-31 {Read a Psalm a day}
July Memory Chunk: Psalm 1:1-3
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I'm not exactly sure of the day it started. I guess it really doesn't matter when.

However, I know exactly the feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach each time the thoughts came to my mind.

Somewhere, somehow, I came across something online that made me question everything that I was doing....ministry-wise.

It was a perfectly decorated website. It was filled with long, beautiful words of encouragement, countless scripture links, advertisements, printable scripture memory cards, beautiful faces of the women writers, etc, etc.

My heart sank.

I mean, hello, I know these incredibly awesome sites are out there. They encourage millions and millions of women on a daily basis. Why on this day, did I feel like a failure? Why did I feel like suddenly everything I was doing ...was not enough. And never would be.

Y'all, I am being incredibly honest and vulnerable.

The moment I clicked back into my reality world of the life of Jill Hill, not a super-sized overflowing ministry of thousands and thousands of women, I wanted to cry.

I heard a familiar voice, one too familiar for my taste, tell me this: You are not enough, and you never will be.

I know better than to listen to this voice. It has tried to deceive me, trick me, mislead me, consume me, overwhelm me.....many times.

This voice is the voice of the enemy.

Sound familiar?

For several weeks I struggled. I mean, really struggled.

I asked my prayer girls to pray that the Lord would show me what this all meant. Was I really not doing enough? Was there something I was missing? Should I be doing more at church? Doing more in my community?

Several days after I confessed to my prayer girls what I was going through, I went for a walk in my neighborhood.

I pleaded with God, tears just a flowing, words just a spilling. "Lord, show me what you want me to do! I just want to please you. I want to know that I am doing Your will! Show me, please!"

Before the last exclamation mark could be reiterated, I heard this in my spirit, "Jill, I will never tell you that you are not enough. Ever. That's not my voice. You are being deceived."

I could have melted on that asphalt in 7 seconds flat.

The Lord had just freed me from the chains of self-loathing, self-condemnation, self-pity and the biggest chain of all, self-absorption, in one single Holy Spirit filled breath.

How could I have been so deceived? Why would I believe a voice that clearly does not line up with  God's Word?

Girls, we can be deceived. So easily.

Why do you think Satan went after Eve, instead of Adam in that garden? We are very, very susceptible to deception.

I'm not saying that men aren't. I am just saying, from my experience as a woman, and from Eve's deception in the garden of Eden, that our little hearts can believe a lie in the blink of a mascara'd eye.

I'm not the only woman that has believed she "wasn't enough".

I sat across from a beautiful, godly woman at dinner recently. I asked her what she had been up to, and this was her answer: "Well, I really feel like I should lead a bible study or something. I just don't feel like I am doing enough."

This precious friend has four children. Four.

I looked at her bewildered that she could ever think such a thing and said this: "You are raising your children to be godly men and women. You are doing enough."

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I knew those words for me as well.

This woman has been a mentor to me. She and her husband both have taken Lem and I under their wise wings, and have helped us grow in Christ.

How could she, of all people, feel this way? How could she, of all people, think that she wasn't doing enough??

I'm so tired of the comparisons. Comparisons are the thief of joy. Period.

"but when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. (2 Corinthians 10:12)

(thank you, Kelli B.!)

I'm so tired of the insecurities we feel when we look at our life in view of what we are seeing others do.

We are believing a lie when we think that what we are doing doesn't matter.

Every second that we stop and believe such lies, is another second that we are not doing what we were created to do. The enemy wins, we lose.

I was created to be Lem's wife, his helper in life.

"The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

God also blessed me with children to raise, to nurture, to train, to teach, to protect.

"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness" Proverbs 31:27

If that is not a full time ministry, then what is??

We all have a ministry. It may not look like the world's version of ministry, but it is God's ministry none the less.

You are doing enough.

You are doing enough.

You are doing enough.

The truth of the matter is, there is always something else we can be doing. Always! Even things considered to be really good things.

However, every time we say "yes" to something new, we are  saying "no" to something else. We must be careful in what we say yes to. We must be sure that it won't be a threat to our peace and our home life.

I have said yes to many things only because I wanted to feel as if I was "doing enough".

Can we break this heavy chain today?

Let's look ourselves in the mirror, or in the faces of our children and loved ones today and say, "I am doing enough." With a big fat smile.

You win, the enemy loses.

I am doing enough,


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