Happy Tuesday, SHINE friends!
We have a very special guest post today. Melanie has quite a testimony of faith to share with us. She sent this to me a few weeks ago as we were discussing fear.
I prayed about when to post this, and it seems today is the day. :) Someone out in the SHINE world needs to hear this.
You may want to grab a Kleenex or ten, because you will need them.
Be blessed to day by Melanie's post.
by: Melanie Hall
Hello Sweet Women!
I pray that each of you is having a wonderful week filled with strength from the Lord! I have been out of the SHINE loop for quite some time. This week as I was reading about fear and strength from the Lord I realized that I have the perfect story to share with you. This story was written in my blog jesusbabiesandthehoneymoon.blogspot.com on November 11th 2012.
March 4, 2010 changed my life. It was scary, and sad and traumatic and truthfully there are really no words to describe what it did to my heart. I was certain that the giant hole that was left there would never be matched. That the fear and recovery would always be what I considered "the hardest days of my life". November 8, 2012 I learned otherwise. So today I sit in a bed, tired, sorer than I even knew I could be, emotionally spent as I pump breast milk that is one of many miracles that I have witnessed over the last four days, but not the biggest. I sit here and I try to think of how to tell you all what has happened and I realize it is another story that is hard to tell, hard to believe, hard to grasp. But I am going to try because all of you have loved us through the hardest days of our lives....and they just got harder.
The morning of November 8, 2012 was not fun. We were exhausted from the night before because I had been up all night feeling bad. We were convinced that this was a result of them taking me off the meds that were preventing contractions. We had to come off of those meds because the one side effect that "seldom" happens had happened and my sweet girl was living in a sac with no amniotic fluid. So as we struggled through the night and the morning Doc called the doctor that had been helping us since our first trip to the Maternal ER, Dr. Dobay. Thankfully he answered and they talked through some symptoms and decided I would stay home and tough it out. Doc called in half a day because the contractions were not ceasing. It only took about ten minutes for me to realize and one look for him to realize that we had to go in. And so we did. The ride was quick, we obviously knew the way, and only at the very end did I realize we were in big trouble.
I'll be honest with you. I had no idea that they would even give her a chance. We were 24 weeks to the day and though her heart was still beating it was low, I was dilating and the placenta had almost fully abrupted. I was checking out into my happy place preparing to deliver another baby that would go straight to Jesus. Only this one would be bigger, stronger, and would have touched my heart in a completely different way. The term emergency c section came up immediately. So immediately in fact, that Doc's truck was still on the curb running when they started prepping me. I asked one question, "will I be okay through the surgery" the answer was yes and there was absolutely no hesitation to try and save her. I looked at my strong, beautiful husband and he nodded. Off we went into a scene out of Grey's Anatomy. Doctors everywhere, running me through the hallway, a neonatal team already scrubbed in and waiting (how they did it that fast is beyond me), people screaming orders at each other and saying "hurry" "now" "faster". It was scary, hard, painful, by far the most physically traumatizing ten minutes of my life. They kept telling me what they were doing and saying they knew it was scary. I was not scared. I was not worried. I was not crying. I was hanging out with Jesus and saying to Josie "you fight, I'll fight. You fight, I'll fight". And then they put me to sleep.
I have never been so happy to be asleep in my entire life and honestly will tell you that the surgery was harder on Josie and her daddy than it was me, I was asleep. She was born at 9:18 am, 24 weeks gestation, eyes wide open, took one small cough. She was born out of a fully abrupted placenta with no blood in her lungs and minimal in her stomach, an absolute miracle. I woke up about an hour later, Doc right by me as usual, and my first words were "is the baby alive", he said yes. I breathed a thank you to Jesus and our world changed forever.
I have spent four days recovering. She has spent four fighting. My family, my husband, my world has spent four days trying to grasp our new normal. I woke up today and I realized Bennett changed our lives, our faith, our marriage, our parenting. And he prepared us for Josie. You see my friends, though this is more than we ever imagined and words like hard and scary don't even touch on it, we are so grateful for that tiny little girl and every breath she takes. We have already buried a tiny person. We have already sent one straight to Jesus that we never saw take a breath, move, that we never touched, that never heard his daddy talking to him or felt his mama stroke his head. And she has. Yesterday, I changed her diaper. Bennett never even wore a diaper.
So Praise be to Jesus for this baby girl. I will not question. I will not be angry or frustrated. I will not complain or cry about how hard it is. I will only worship harder, blown away at what He has done for us and the miracles that have happened to get her here. I eat and I will pump and I will heal and I will pray. We will take care of our girls here and the one that lives at Centennial Hospital everyday praising Him from the rooftops for all three of them.
I ask you, again, to pray for us. You have all been so amazing through our last few years and I am going to have to ask you to stand with us one again. Please pray for our hearts, our family and most of all our tiny girl. Please praise Him as you pray thanking Him for her and every day she grows stronger. Please put Josephine Hope Hall on every list, in every offering plate, in every prayer box. The Halls
And so began the scariest, hardest 106 days of my life. 106 days of praying, crying, and begging Jesus to let me keep this beautiful little girl. Josie weighed 1 lb. 4 oz. At three weeks old she had open heart surgery. She had 8 blood transfusions and was on a ventilator for 8 weeks. Twice we were sure she would go home to Jesus. Talk about scared!!! Talk about fear. Oh my sweet friends it was the most exhausting, scariest time of my life. And so I prayed over and over. Each time telling Him “ if you take her home to be with her brother I will still love you and I will still worship you with my whole being”. Each time telling Him I knew in my heart that HE knew what was best even if I never understood it!
Now I will tell you the end of my story written months ago. As I am typing I have a beautiful set of the bluest eyes you have ever seen staring up at me as she slobbers all over my arm.
|Our Josie Hope|
|Josie's mommy, daddy, and sisters|