Today's Reading: Job 10
Happy Worship Wednesday, SHINE girls!
Turn up the praise music and worship your KING today!
As we continue our Victory walk, I wanted to share a blog entry from Lisa, our fellow SHINE girl.
She wrote this 2 years ago, and I cannot even believe how it relates to our Victory theme this week. Lisa is always about 2 years ahead of me in my spiritual walk. Seriously. Every time I call her about something I am struggling with, she has already been there and done that.
Which makes it REALLY great for me, because she knows exactly how to get through the struggle that I am facing. I told her just yesterday that she was "blazing the path" for me. (for us, really.)
In fact, she wrote this on 5/31/2010. See, almost exactly 2 years ahead of me.
At the end of the post, she follows up with where she is at "today" on this Victory journey. Oh, girls....get ready to be blessed. Big time. HUGE.
by Lisa Inlow
Again, I'm not super thrilled to enter the, at times, uncomfortable world of vulnerability, sharing ones ups and downs. However, the reason I started blogging was in the hopes that in my sharing my highs and lows, you would be encouraged in some form or fashion, or at the very least, realize you're not alone, that we are all faced with icky stuff in this life. And to also remind you, as well as remind myself, that there is Hope.
Okay, with that being said, this post might be on the long side with some possible rambling thrown in for good measure. You've been warned.
Here goes: If you've read more than 3 of my blog entries, or spent more than an hour with me, you are well aware that Scott and I had 2 miscarriages, one of them traumatic physically (where it took 90 days for my body to rid itself of that little life), prior to our being blessed with Max Samuel, and then, Jenna Skye.
Well since that time I have had the daily fear that Max and Jenna would also, die. Yes, it's true, I said it. My mind wanders, daily, to bad places...really bad places.
I have chalked this up to life, life in a fallen, ugly, sinful world. I have also, because I had no choice, taken to journaling, praying a lot more, finding verses on fear, then writing them in my journal. I actually have a section in my journal called "NO FEAR" where I run too, at times in the middle of the night, because my thoughts have gotten out of control and they needed to be reigned in. I know I cannot, in anyway, do this on my own. I need Truth.
In all this time, now going on 5 years since Max was born, I have never thought or asked that these fears be taken away. Instead I have accepted it as a part of my life now. I do not like it, how could I? But again, have thought that He doesn't make mistakes, these fears force me to rest in Him...so be it.
Over the course of about a month, the messages our pastor, Jonathan, have given have brought the issue of my fears to the forefront of my mind. Not just the fears themselves, but I have ended up thinking, what am I going to do about this? Well, I know I can do nothing.
This has not been a fun month as I have felt a bit hopeless at times. Like I had a Glad bag full of foul smelling garbage strapped to my back, desperately wanting to get rid of it, but having no idea how I was going to do it.
One night I couldn't sleep as my mind wandered to horrible things, I was crying, I got up and came downstairs so I could read my "NO FEAR" section of my journal. I felt relieved, of course, as God's Word is alive and breathing. HELLO! Praise the Lord for this! But as I got back in bed I started talking to Him about how I'm sure this is not what He wants for me...surely not...or does He? He is a selfish God, desiring every morsel of me...
Two Sunday's ago as Jonathan was finishing up his message titled, "Why do Bad Things Happen to Good People", he said, "what do you need victory over?" OH MY GOODNESS, that hit me square in the face.
I started crying, of course, and I thought, "could I actually have victory over this daily fear of losing Max and Jenna???" I began to see a tiny sliver of hope.
So for the past week I have been thinking about victory. Never once in these past 4+ years have I ever thought of victory in relation to my fear.
Okay I just have to bunny trail for a second. Seriously, is the Father not amazing? Is His timing not perfect? Is He not so incredible to put us in a place for a while, a not-so-great place, all in His plan to bring things full circle?!
Yesterday was Sunday, Nathan Rector gave the message, it was on David and Goliath. Nathan did an amazing job describing Goliath, like, really describing Goliath as I had never heard him described before.
He then talked about David, little shepherd boy David. David had no fear.
Again, I was hit square in my ever livin' face as Nathan said that the reason David had no fear was because he was not viewing Goliath as someone he would have to destroy, but that Goliath was someone God could and would easily destroy. And with David viewing things through Almighty God's eyes, there is no fear.
I have been viewing any chance of conquering my fear through my eyes, not through His. Of course at times I have felt hopeless and defeated, how could I not?
I now firmly believe I am on the road to victory. I am rejoicing in the Hope. The hope that one day soon, I will be doing my thing here at home and realize that something has changed. The hope that He will continue to do a work in my life, show me Himself in the words of His Letters to me. Speak directly to me in the quietness of my spirit.
Oh sweet Father, thank you for loving me so much. Thank you for taking me down some dark roads so I can see the Light of You. Thank you for allowing me to feel the sting of defeat which then pushes me to train harder so that I may experience the thrill of victory. Victory in You.
Follow up to her story--
Since writing this blog May 2010, I have experienced true victory!! For real!! And to be honest (and to show my oh so little faith, how embarrassing) I am shocked.
The depth of my fear was staggering. I did not like it, did not know how to get rid of it. I did however know that I could not get through those moments of gripping fear, without Scripture. Running downstairs in the middle of the day or night to read out-loud....SCRIPTURE!
So obviously the Father used those times to deepen my full reliance on Him. And I would immediately have those Words wash over, comfort and give me peace.
But it could still grip me...fast.
I can't explain what has happened to me. I have experienced His Victory!!
Now, fear does come back and try to visit me. On days I am weak, it gets me. But those days are fewer and further between - PRAISE THE LORD!!!
My heart and spirit is lighter! Oh thank you Jesus!! And I give You all the glory!!