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Some friends and I started a prayer group a few years ago. We meet once a week.
The goal of our little group is to pray over our children and families. It feels good to know without a shadow of a doubt that friends are praying on behalf of my family.
Each week we have a theme to pray. A scripture usually.
This week we are praying one of the beatitudes. "Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4
As I studied the meaning of this verse, I found out something that I didn't know before. [shocker]
This verse applies to the mourning of our sins. The state of grief over our the amount of sin in our lives.
I had always prayed it over those grieving a loss, a death, a divorce...
However, this verse came to light in a whole new way to me after studying it.
I want to mourn over my sin, because when I do, it is an acknowledgment of my desperate need for Jesus.
We want our children to mourn over their sins as well.
Repentance will never come unless we are truly grieved over our sin.
This momma rolls around in repentance quite often these days.
Last week was a doozie at our house.
My emotions were all over the place [another shocker].
Poor children. They never see it [me] coming. [please pray for them]
I'm not sure exactly what even happened.....
But, suddenly, my mouth opened and out spewed ugly.
Ugly, as in a word that I would never allow my children to say.
In fact, I said it twice. Because apparently once just wasn't enough. [mother of the year]
I could feel the regret as soon as my mouth opened.
Does anyone else feel like your mouth has a mind of its own some days.?
I can't really see you, but I'm hoping yes.
I felt awful afterwards.
And by awful, I mean, I wanted to crawl under a rock and die a cold, lonely death.
Why do I let this happen? WHY?
I mean-- I KNOW better. Really, I do.
But, my mouth. My stinking mouth just will not stay shut when it needs to sometimes.
I spent the next two day, yes two whole days, in sorrowful regret. Mourning my big fat ugly mouth. I even wore all black to reflect my mourning state. My sin needed a proper burial.
I will never forget the look on my children's faces when I said the big ugly....
Kill. Me. Now.
Why do I forget how horrible sin feels?
Why do I lose all sense of holiness in a matter of seconds some days?
I don't know.
But, Jesus knew we would. He knew we would lose it. He knew we would mess up. He knew we would say things we shouldn't say [ever].
Despite my sin...
He comforted me, just like the verse says.
He pulled me close.
He forgave me.
He loved me.
He loves me still.
I don't get it, I really don't.
Can we love like this?
Can I love my husband like this when he blows it again?
Can I love my children like this when they defy me again?
Can I love those around me that have hurt me?
Can I love and forgive myself when I blow it for the thousandth time?
Jesus teaches us that this is the only way to love.
He tells us in one of my absolute favorite verses from 1 Peter 4:8, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
Yes, Yes! A thousand times yes!
How many times has He covered the multitude of my sins?
Too many to count. [and too many blog posts to prove it]
So, although we will sin. We will mess up. We will let our mouths spew words like daggers...
Jesus will comfort us when we repent.
When we bow our heads down low, for the millionth time this week...
Jesus lifts our chin and cups it in His Hands...
He covers us.
He comforts us.
He loves us, anyway.
May we be like Jesus. Taking the sweet face of another, touching it ever so gently, lifting it up to our Father in Heaven...
Pointing them to the Comforter.
Lord, we repent.
washing my mouth out with soap,