Aug 22, 2017

I am poor....

As Jesus looked up, he saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. “Truly I tell you,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.” Luke 21:2-4



Dear Sam,

Have you ever wanted to trade places with someone? Like, have you ever been so moved by someone that you just wanted to crawl into their skin and get whatever it is that they have and become them?

I have.

It happened this past Sunday when we met.

You work at Publix. You insisted on taking my groceries to the car. I did an internal eye roll because I wasn't in the mood for small talk. My daughter was even with me so we really didn't need your help.

Or so we thought.

You talked to me the whole entire way to my car. You even pointed out my car. How did you know that was my car? I am still scratching my head over that one.

As you unloaded our groceries in the car you asked many questions.

I was taken aback by your obvious concern over how our day was going. You even asked what we had eaten for lunch that day.

You must have seen the tiredness in my eyes. The battle inside of my head that was raging on that day.

How could you know?

Sam, here's the thing. Sometimes I just don't feel like I am enough.

I feel many times that I have nothing left to give. Empty.

Surrounded by people with many gift, talents, resources to share with the world, I often feel like I am holding out empty hands. Ashamed by the scarceness.

I hear  the enemy screaming in my ears on many days these words, "you will never be enough. you have nothing to give that anyone wants, and everyone sees your poverty."

Poverty.

Poverty of soul.

Poverty of resources.

Poverty of talent.

Yet, something in your eyes made me see things differently.

You had given me nothing, yet you gave me everything that day.

I had nothing tangible to take home with me. No special gift, no money, no expensive gesture...

But, I was filled.

You filled me with your love.

Your concern.

Your listening ear.

Your kindness.

Your gentleness.

Your knowing....that I was not doing okay.

How did you know?

See, I want to have what you have.

I want to be in your skin.

I want to serve without having to give a tangible thing...

I want to make be the hands and feet of Jesus without even realizing it...

I want to make people feel like you made me feel...

You know Jesus, don't you. I just know that you do.

He lives in you. He speaks through you. He breathes through you.

You breathed Jesus all over me that day.

I inhaled the sweet smell of being "enough"....even with empty hands.

Your hands were empty, yet they gave.

Everything, they gave me that day.

Sam, I have not stopped picturing your face. Your smile. Your warmth.

You left a mark on my heart that will never be erased.

I want what you have.

Thank you, Sam.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:3


holding out my empty hands,

jill







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