Jun 16, 2016

A letter to You...

Dear Father,

Perhaps there is no one that knows me quite like you do. You created my inmost being, and knit me right together in my mother's womb. You knew exactly what I would look like. How my hair would change 3 different colors before settling on the color it is now. Whatever that is. Bleach and color hide the work of Your Hands these days.

Father, you saw me as a toddler, lying in my crib. When I was scared you were there. When my parents were asleep, you never slept. Your eyes were always on me. Watching me. Singing over me. Whispering Your love into my baby ears.

The time I fell and almost sliced my eyelid right off, You were there. As the doctors put those stitches into my big black eye in awe of how I didn't shed a tear...You were with me. I felt You even then. You are the reason that I didn't flinch. You went before me, and took the pain.

The nights when I was a little girl, lying in a big dark bedroom, my eyes playing tricks on me and seeing images of scary things on my walls, You were with me. You held me. You sung to me. Not a night went by that I didn't wake up in peace. Despite the night terrors, despite the fearful thoughts, joy always came in the morning. And, it still does. The morning brings me Word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You.

When my face and my body were going through some weird changes...and I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror. When I would press my finger tips deep down into my cheeks to try and make dimples. Because, the popular girl at school had them. Surely, if my face looked different, I would like myself more. Others would surely like me too.

You liked me. Just the way I was. I would hear Your Voice deep down in my soul telling me "You are beautiful."

I didn't believe You.

I thought you must have made a big mistake when you molded me in that womb. I thought there is no possible way that You could think I was beautiful.

But, You continued to tell me that I was.

When the first boy broke my heart right into a million pieces...You whispered softly into my brokenness..

"I have so much more for you. Just wait."

I didn't believe You.

When the second boy broke my heart into a million more pieces, I heard You speak again...

"I have so much more for you. Just wait."

I didn't believe You.

I pulled away from You. Surely, if a boy couldn't love me, how in the world could You?

But, I could never get away from Your Spirit. I could never escape Your Presence.

You were always there.

There was nowhere I could hide...nowhere I could flee your Presence.

Every time...You picked up those broken pieces. The mess of emotions. The insecurity that nearly strangled the life out of every relationship I ever had. You were there as I made bad decisions out of my brokenness. You didn't judge me, or condemn me.

You just waited.

And waited.

You never left.

You told me I was the apple of your eye. You told me that I was precious to You and that my name was written on the palm of Your Hand.

I didn't believe You.

Then, one day, I opened Your Word. And, I couldn't stop reading.

My eyes spilled right over into a thousand tears.

My mouth wide open as I inhaled the words you penned to me.

Those promises. Those words. Those assurances.

They were all true.

It wasn't just my mind playing tricks on me.

You had spoken Your Words to me over the span of my lifetime. Before I even knew it was You...it was You.

Even in the darkness I could not hide. Darkness and light are the same to you. Night shines as bright as day.

Father, I believe You.

You were right...

You did have better plans for me. So much better than I could have ever imagined.

Even through heartbreak, You bring good.

Even through the tears, You bring Joy.

Even through the changes, You never changed.

You never left me.

You will never leave me.

Happy Father's Day.

I am so sorry it took me so long....


your daughter,


jill





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