Jul 22, 2015

A letter to the wives....

A few weeks ago, I woke up praying for my husband. I think it may have even been audible. I quickly got up, made my coffee, and went to my favorite spot on our couch.

Bible in one hand, coffee in the other, I began to pray over Lem fervently. Clearly the Lord had laid him on my heart so heavily for a reason.

A few hours later, Lem texted me a picture of he and I and told me how much he loved me. Just for the record--this is rare. Not that he was texting me or saying that he loved me--but in such a romantic and out of the blue way. That part was rare. ;)

It made my day. It made my week.

I may never know why the Lord prompted me to pray so fervently for Lem that morning, but He sure made it clear I was to pray.

If I am honest, I will admit that Lem in the past has been on the back burner of my attention. A lot of my attention went to my kids, my friends, my bible studies---anything but him. Those things are all very good things, but the order was all messed up.

My heart needed a re-set.

One day I decided to do some biblical research on marriage and see what God said about it. I was heavily enlightened.

Nothing, except God, is to come before my marriage to Lem.

I am my husband's helper: "Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him. (Genesis 2:18)

This is a serious calling for wives. We were created to "help" our men. The world has convinced us that other things and people need our help and attention more. This is false. Don't fall for the lie of the enemy.

If we are more available for our work, our friends, and our church than we are for our husband's, we need to change our priorities. Our husband's should get the absolute best of us, not what's left of us.

My words and my actions should be gentle and kind towards my husband: "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Does the world get a kinder you than your husband does? Do you find it easier to forgive a friend than to forgive your man? Are the words that come out of your mouth sweeter to others than your man? We must work on this.

My husband and I are one: For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

Okay, here's where the rubber meets the road for many. I am not good at beating around the bush, so I will just be straight forward. Newsflash: Your husband's family is also your family. His mother? Your mother too. His father? Your father too.  His quirky siblings? Your family too.

Now, I know that there are some crazy messed up inlaws out there. I get it. However, speak kindly about them to your man. Don't insult his mother, his father, his crazy aunt. He may not seem like it bothers him, but rest assured it does. Our words have powerful influence over our men. Remember the story of Adam and Eve? Adam was easily convinced and persuaded by Eve. You know the rest of the story.

How about if we encouraged grace, love, and forgiveness in these crazy family situations? How about if we stayed quiet instead of chiming in with hateful words when it comes to family dysfunctions? [Please don't throw rocks at me] I know this is a sticky subject. Not one married person is immune from crazy family members. But, if we remember that our goal is peace and unity, it will help us to choose our words more carefully.

One more thought on this one...maybe, just maybe, God has put you in this family for a reason. Maybe your example of love and grace will change the course of history and strongholds in this family. I hope and pray that our Christian faith is not a turn-off because of our lack of love and grace for our husband's family. They are watching us. How will we react? How will we respond? Or will we ignore them and hope the go away. This is a huge calling girls. LOVE your husband's family. They are now YOUR family. The end.

I must be a peacemaker instead of a pot-stirrer: Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.(Proverbs 10:12)

Some days our men will come home stressed out. I mean like a ticking time bomb. On these days, Lem goes straight to the television. I let him diffuse as long as it takes. I have learned the hard way. ;)

Things happen at work with our men. Stress is inevitable. When our husband's have an issue with a co-worker, or someone outside of the home--what if we promoted love and peace in the situation? What if we listened quietly without chiming in with disparaging remarks? Again, our words have a lot of influence over our husband's. What if we make our words full of love and forgiveness? Instead of offering our solutions to their problems, let's listen and pray. Hatred stirs up strife. Love covers ALL sin. Don't we want our fellas to have some peace?

"A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day" Proverbs 27:15

Lord, help us to not be a drippy and quarrelsome wife.

I am praying over our marriages. Marriage is a gift from God that should be taken very seriously. We are walking on holy ground. Our marriages are sacred, therefor we should treat it as such.

Beginning with our men.


working on my dripping,


jill