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When our children hurt, our hurt is quadrupled. We want to take their hurt away immediately.
Several months ago my daughter was struggling. I was trying to talk her through the struggle, and give her wisdom along the way. She did not want to receive it. She kept re-hashing over and over the hurt until finally tears were flowing.
I stopped her mid stream of her tears and prayed with her. I could barely get out my amen before she went over the incident again. And again. And again.
I wanted her to understand that the pain is real. Yes. However, re-visiting the pain was only opening the wound for her.
Desperately, I wanted her to see my perspective and how I could see that everything was going to turn out okay. She would be fine. She would eventually forget, and barely be able to recall this pain.
However, at the moment, her 9 year old perspective was skewed. She was hurt. And she wanted to stay there for a while.
Okay, I get it.
I gave her another day before talking through things with her again.
She was still there. In the pain.
I asked her if she was ready to start learning some things to counteract pain when we her feelings are hurt. She said no.
Well darling baby girl, I am going to teach you anyway.
As I was encouraging her to go straight to prayer in times like these, she said it was just too hard to pray when she was hurting.
I get it. Oh, do I get it.
I was jolted by the fact that I also feel too hurt to pray sometimes. I want to wallow in the pain and mull it over in my head. In fact, even asking others to pray for me becomes an attempt to talk about it again. Yikes. Often I am not asking sincerely for prayer, more for a vent session. In my head, the more I talk about it, the more it will make sense. Nope, not the case.
The next thing I told her to do was to go to God's Word to counteract the hurt.
If words were what hurt you, find scripture that encourages you and speaks the Truth of who you really are.
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14
If loneliness is what burdens you...
"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20
If a broken heart is your struggle...
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3
I told her that we aren't born with the knowledge of scripture. We must study it, know it, and recite it if it is to be our Sword against the enemy and his lies.
"Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:17
"I have hidden Your Word in my heart, so that I may not sin against you" Psalm 119:11
She asked me what "so that I may not sin against you" meant. I prayed a quickie prayer for God's wisdom and told her this: Sometimes when we are faced with a battle and feel hurt or overwhelmed, our flesh wants to fight back with sin. For example, gossip. Or hurting the other person that hurt us. Or, wanting to slap the fire out of someone. [well, sometimes we do!]
I told her that seeking God's Word for wisdom would lead us to the choice that would honor God and bring our hearts the most peace.
It's not just scripture memory or recitation, it's forming a relationship with the One Who we are studying. We begin to know Him, we begin to believe Him. We begin to take on His Character.
"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us." John 1:14
Her eyes were searching for understanding as I spoke. I prayed that God would convey to her heart the message in a way that she could understand. He knows her heart best.
Again, as I spoke the words to her, I felt His Light shining bright on areas of my heart where I needed to apply the same wisdom. Times when I was hurt and wanted to pull away, fight back, return a hurt, or build a wall....
I hear Him whisper, "Love them anyway."
This is hard no matter how long we have been walking with the Lord. I do believe it can get easier the more we practice it though. Or at least that's what I am banking on!
Often we will find ourselves at a loss. We want to do the right thing, say the right thing, but we just don't know what to do.
I get it.
Here is where God's Word comes in and lights the way.
"Your Word is a Lamp to my feet and a Light for my path" Psalm 119:105
I am so tempted to take control of the situation for my children. I want to tweak it and twist it and make it fair and just. Or at least my version of fair and just
How are they ever going to learn to lean on God if I do, though?
How will they ever know the peace that surpasses all understanding unless they seek the Lord for guidance?
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
My job is to point my children to the Lord. He is the Rock that will hold. Not me.
Early on in this SHINE ministry, I struggled with what to write about. I was worried that many could not relate to my struggles.
Sweetly and right on time, God reminded me that pointing the way to Him was all He asked of me. The rest was up to Him.
It takes all the pressure off, friends. As mothers, as friends, as leaders, as teacher...
Just point the way to Him.
He will do the rest.
"It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4:4
let's point the way,