Jan 24, 2014

What about me??

I wanted to write this post on my personal family blog. For some reason, I was not able to sign in or post it.

The Lord laid this message on my heart so strongly this afternoon, I could not wait another minute to post. Again, I wanted to post it on my family blog. To be honest, I was a little hesitant to post in on here because this blog has a lot more readers. Brutally honest here. I was scared.

The Lord spoke to my heart, "are you afraid of what people will say more than you desire to be obedient to Me, Jill?"

Yikes.

Okay, got it.

So, here goes. A post that's been lying on my heart for the past few weeks.

Remember a few posts ago I mentioned that the Lord had been working on me and my "agenda".

Agenda in this sense meaning, "what I want out of life".

How can I be successful? How can I make a difference? How can I, I, I, I....?

Following me?

It all started when I told you girls about my funk at the end of December. Not feeling..."enough".

Something has struck me. Let me rephrase, The Lord has struck His Word and His Thoughts on this subject so hard on my heart that I can hardly move.

Practically my whole life I have been searching for who "I" am. What was I born to do? What am I good at? Blah, blah, blah...

God is telling me this:

"What can you do for others? Why all this focus on you, you, you? Did I send my Son to die for you so that you can self-analyze your purpose every day of your life? I sent My Son to show you by example what your purpose is. He was sent to draw others to Me. He was sent to show the world what self-less love and sacrifice really looks like. Your purpose is to do the same."

Okay, I am really paraphrasing here. I mean, when the Holy Spirit gives you insight, it is really hard to put into words. Even for a writer.

We spend our whole lives trying to live up to what the world approves as "successful". We want to be known for our deeds. We want to be inspirational. {I really hate that word}

Where is Jesus in all of this?? Where is the desire to put God first in all things, and others second?

"And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31

I see nothing in this verse about putting ourselves, our needs, our desires first. We are to put Him first, others second. The end.

We can even use God as a soap box to stand on for our purposes. Ouch and double ouch.

Sometimes we expect God to line up with what we are envisioning for our lives because we have decided to make Him a part of it, and then wonder why He doesn't bless our plans. {yep, guilty}

He is the Potter, we are the clay. Period.

God is teaching us to throw out our agenda. It's worthless!

Our agenda is others. Period. Exclamation point!

I am in tears as I write this because it has taken so so so long for me to be receptive of Him telling me this. It has taken a heart desperate and empty enough for it to be able to finally receive this Truth.

I remember several years ago waking up at the crack of dawn to be with Jesus. Just me, my coffee, and Jesus.

My darling little wide-eyed Presley Jane woke up and stomped right into my date with Jesus.

I was furious.

She had disturbed my quiet time with the Lord! How dare she!

In an instant, God took my heart and squeezed it tight in His Disciplining Hands. "THIS is your ministry, dear Jill. Your time with me is good, but this is where I need you to be used. This is where I am found. In the presence of your children, your husband, those around you. If you isolate others in order to be with Me, you are missing it."

Gulp!

Imagine my dismay. He set me straight in an instant. I wanted more more more of Him. I was even willing to sacrifice being loving and doting to my little girl who just wanted to be next to me and snuggle. I had wanted to push her away thinking that she was invading my Jesus space.

Oh my.

How terribly wrong I was.

When we are too busy studying His Word, attending church, singing in the choir, teaching Sunday school, making ourselves known in the church.......that we push away others that need us.....

Well, we are in the wrong, sweet sisters.

Big time.

We crave alone-time as women. We think that if we don't have this time alone we will suffocate.

Oh, sweet, sweet friends, it is completely the opposite.

When we face Jesus at His Throne one sweet day, He will never ever ask us how much "alone time" we were able to have.

He will ask us this: What did you do for others? How did you spend your spare moments?

God is not concerned with us making something of ourselves.....He is concerned about us helping to make something out of others. Just like Jesus did for us. Jesus never focused on Himself. 

His agenda was simple: God first, then others. 

Whew.

Tears are just a pouring.

If if were not for my precious children and my husband, I would not have stories to write. What a bore I would be! Those moments we think are mundane, hard, tiring....those are the moments He is Present. Those are the moments when our lives are being lived out....either for others or for ourselves.

I am choosing to live for others.

I am choosing to stop analyzing my life long enough to reach out to those under my very not-so-little nose.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.  No longer do I call you servants,[a] for the servant[b] does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you." John 15:12-16

Let the world have inspirational people, motivational people. There's enough to go around, that's for sure.

What the world needs is humility, others-focused, willing to serve and not be served kind of people.

You will never see these people in the spotlight. Oh, but you will see them. You will see them in the teenager who was saved from a life of danger because someone was willing to mentor them or spend a little time with them.

You will see these people in the faces of former sin-dwellers that now have the HOPE of Jesus because someone was willing to put down their agenda long enough to hear their stories, and love them anyway.

 "But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,[a]  and whoever would be first among you must be your slave,[b]  even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:26-28


it's not about me,


jill