Jan 10, 2014

Say Yes to Cracks....

I have to be honest about something.

Sometimes I just get into a funk. I hate that word, but that's the only word that can I can use to convey what I'm trying to say.

At the very end of this past December, the funk came.

Not exactly sure how it began, but oh did it come. I was sunk so deep into that funky hole, I couldn't tell up from down, left from right, or top from bottom.

This particular funk had to do with me feeling like I was not "enough".

Suddenly out of the blue, I was pelted by the enemy with thoughts of inferiority. I was worthless. Or, at least that's what he was trying to tell me.

I believed him for a short time.

I cried my eyes out to my poor husband about what a loser I was and how severely lacking I was at just about everything.

Poor Lem. He listened, he really did.

His only words after my hour long pity party were: "Don't worry, just be happy."

REALLY??? {steam coming from my nostrils}

Your're quoting me a song in response to my heartfelt plea and earnest desire for affirmation???

Good grief.

Lem is just a happy-go-lucky kind of fella. Which is exactly why he's so good for this drama queen of a wife he married.

I decided to take my lament somewhere else, as my lament to Lem didn't quite get the response I needed.

So, I spewed my sadness all over my mom and sister one day. {God bless them for listening}

The response was much better and more soothing than that of my sweet man's.

However, I was still just in an utter pit of despair. {drama, drama, drama}

When I {finally} went to the Lord about my funk, He was quiet. Too quiet for my taste.

Yes, He was hearing me, because yes, I was making sure He did.

However, He still wasn't "fixing" it for me. At least not in the way I had wanted.

I wanted to feel affirmed by Him. I needed to know from Him that I was "enough". That what I was doing with my life was "enough".

I even looked into going back to school or getting a part-time job to fill my need for the desire to feel like I was "enough".  My stay-at-home mom job suddenly seemed pitiful and ordinary.

The school thing didn't work out. Neither did the job finding thing.

I now know why....

As I was looking around trying to fill this "enough" void, I was getting deeper and deeper into the funk pit.

All along He was whispering to me that my worth is not tied into a job, or who the world thinks and says I am. My worth comes from being His Daughter--the daughter of a King. That alone is MORE than enough.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I hear it like this, "I am enough for you, Jill. My Power is the strongest, when you are the weakest."

Yesterday, I was at the gym with my friend, Danielle. She was telling me about a book that I need to read. I don't remember the name, but she said that the author talks about being a "crack filler".

Meaning, we have a purpose every single day of our lives when we look around us. We just often overlook them. Honestly, I have no clue if this is what the author meant, but God spoke to me as soon as my friend said those words...."crack filler".

{side note--the word "crack" makes me giggle. i have boys in this house. "just say no to crack" is said a lot around here. okay, the end.}

Suddenly the clouds parted and I saw what He was telling me. {angels sing!}

I was looking for BIG things to do to feel "enough". I was looking for ways to make my life seem fuller and more "worthy".

All the while, God was telling me to "fill in the cracks where you are, Jill. You're purpose is found there."

The cracks surround me.

Whether in my marriage, my children, my nephews, my nieces, my neighbors, my friendships, the lady at Ingles, the dear friend who just lost her third child, the mother who is taking care of her one year old just diagnosed with cancer, the friend who's daughter was in an ATV accident and has severe neurological issues....the cracks are everywhere.

These cracks need attention. They need care. They need love. They need.....crack fillers.

What happens if these cracks go unnoticed, unseen? The whole thing falls apart. Then, it's a big, huge mess.

"Fill the cracks, Jill. That's what I am calling you to do right now." I heard the Lord so clearly tell me this in my heart yesterday.

Ironically, I was scrubbing toilets when He spoke this to my heart. I was on my knees performing a task that has to be the worse household task imaginable. But, it has to be done, right?

Crack-fillers don't always get noticed. They often get overlooked because what they are doing is so small {or so it seems}, that others may not even take notice.

Oh, but friends, God sees! He sees every little crack your little hands are trying to fill.

As I got to the sink to clean it, I noticed a small crack in the tile. The crack will need sealing, or the whole sink could be at risk. Or so my husband tells me. ;)

God was speaking so loudly to my heart that I kept shouting over and over as I cleaned, "I want to be a crack filler!! Show me some cracks, Lord!!!"

If anyone was listening or could hear me they surely would have thought I was on some kind of crack.

Listen closely stay at home momma, working momma, working grandmother, grandmother taking care of her grand babies, teachers, church volunteers, school volunteers, friend in the shadow.....

You are a crack filler exactly where you are! You are filling a major crack that God needs and desires you to fill.

It may not look like it to the world, but God says that He will leave the 99 to go after the ONE in Matthew 18:13-14.

"And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish."

We are that one.

YOU are that one.

The lady at Ingles is that one. Your sister or brother in need of a Savior is that one. The aging parent needing some help is that one. The teenage nephew or niece going down the wrong path is that one.

We are often so busy chasing after the big things {the many} that we miss the little things {the few}.

I am blessed to be able to witness many crack-fillers around me. My mother and mother in law, are some of the biggest crack-fillers I know. They fill cracks in my life that I didn't even know needed filling.

It doesn't take money or any special talent to be a crack-filler, just a servant's heart. A heart willing to see the small needs. The needs of one, instead of  just the needs of many.

Your Fun Friday Challenge: 

Be a crack-filler today. Look around you and find a need that you can help with. If you are not called to go to Africa on a mission trip, don't feel useless. God has a crack for you to fill here! Right under your very little nose. Possibly even right under your very own roof.

Be kind to your husband, laugh and play with your kids, write an encouraging note to someone, call someone, cook a meal for a friend, spend some time with a teenager in your life that is dying for some guidance....the cracks are endless.

Notice the small things today. Focus on those little cracks that could become a  mountain of a mess if less unattended.

"Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first, must be your slave-just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:26


out of the funk and into some cracks,

jill