Apr 18, 2012

Wednesday SHINE....


Today's Reading: 3 John
Happy Wednesday, SHINE girls! 
Remember what today is?
All together now....Worship Wednesday! Yay!
So, wherever you are, whatever you are doing--worship the Lord!
Beware: It's contagious. You will spread your Joy to those around you. 
I have a very special guest blogger today, Kim Jaynes. Kim and I go way back. Like, really way back. She knew me before my hair was this blonde. Yep, that's way back.  She has good, really good blackmail pictures. So, I am nice to Kim. Very nice.
Be blessed by my friend and big sister in Christ, sweet SHINE sisters!

Wednesday SHINE
by: Kim Jaynes
Good morning SHINE girls! 
Jill and I go back in time about 27 years!  She was ten years old when I met her. She, and her sis (my BFF), were playing in a yard down the street from where my parents were building a house. We hit it off from the start and the rest is history!
We have been through a lot over the years and she has always been like a little sister to me!  We have shared so many memories and I cannot imagine what my life would be like without my Jilly!
Well………when Jill asked me to blog for her today I was, of course, honored!!!  I immediately said yes (because this is what I do when someone asks for my help!) Then, after hanging up the phone, I thought…..”What have I agreed to?”  But, being raised to be true to my word……there were no options..…guest blog I would!
 I truly am not worthy of such an honor nor am I wise enough to lead any charge to glorify God but with His guidance I pray that some or all of this message will resonate with at least one person!!
Let me give you a little background before I go into my “light bulb” moment when I realized what was keeping me from a true relationship with God…………
Like most good church going little girls, I was saved and baptized at the age of ten.  Then sometime between age ten and puberty…..I jumped off the path God had set for me and straight onto the fast paced highway of the flesh! I spent most of my teen and early adult years so far removed from God it would make most of your heads spin! 
When I think of some of the things I have done, I am in complete and total awe of the wonderful blessings God has so mercifully and graciously given me over the years despite so many poor choices!
It was not until I was 28 years old, sitting in the pew listening to an evangelist preach one Thursday night, that I literally felt the Holy Spirit move!  There was no denying what was going on!  The more determined I was to stay on that pew, the stronger I felt the spirit urging me to move
So from the age of 10-28 I had lived a lie!  I would say, “Yes I am a Christian” but my walk was anything but Christian like.  An 18 year lie!!  That was 18 years in the wilderness, by choice! Ok, I am 40 so that is almost half a life of living lost and searching for something to fill the many voids left by living OF the world instead of a Christian IN it!!  I had conformed to the ways of the world!
 I walked the isle of that church that night, tears streaming!  I rededicated my life to God and chose to be re-baptized.
The rest is history…..right?  WRONG!
I am so thankful for God’s promise in Joel 2:25 “of giving back the years that the locusts have stolen.” My years were not stolen, I gave them away!
I wish I could say that my life did a total 180 degree turn at that point, but my walk has been and will continue to be a work in progress! 
I realized a few years ago (about the age of 33—yes five more years) that I had interference in my relationship with God! There was a barrier, something just was not right!   I realized I was reaching one hand out to God and hoping for all He had to offer yet I had the other one firmly gripping things I did not want to lose control over!
Part of what I held on to was my unwillingness to forgive those who had really hurt me!  A defense mechanism I had perfected, or so I thought.  I was a professional at putting up a wall the instant someone made an attempt to cause me pain.  In reality, I was only burying the pain and holding that person hostage. Or was I holding myself hostage?   
I realized that satan was oh so pleased with my hardened heart!  He reveled in my unwillingness to forgive, even when I had no conscious thought of what I was doing! I was allowing him to have victory because I refused to be vulnerable, I refused to completely let go with both hands and trust God with everything!
So forgiveness was my barrier and here is where the revelation begins………………
What do you think of when you hear the word FORGIVENESS?
Webster says it is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution
Did you get that last part??  CEASING….Stopping, bring to an end, letting it go. No longer expecting vengeance!! No longer expecting payment, no longer holding that grudge!!!!

YES, I know that this can be HARD!!
 Oh do I know! 
I was genetically predisposed to be a grudge holder; it was a joke at family reunions!  We could all hold a good ol’ fashioned grudge or two!

For years I carried around a seed of un-forgiveness as if it were some sort of battle star or medal of honor I had accumulated along life's tough road of “hard knocks”---about 20 years of carrying and feeding this seed to be exact! Even though I really did not think about this "seed" at all and I actually thought I had dealt with it and moved on---I was oh so wrong! 
 

But the closer I was drawn to God and began studying His word the more I realized that the little tiny seed had rooted deep in my heart and had grown into a strong oak like tree that was producing very bitter, sour fruit in all areas of my life! I had allowed that seed of hurt to turn into anger, then resentment.  Pretty soon bitterness had set in and that small tiny event was a stronghold in my life! Any future event in my life that brought some sort of reminder emotion to the surface would send me in a tail spin crash landing, even if it only related to that seed in the smallest way!
Any mention of that person’s name would stir up very powerful emotions of anger and hurt but I could’ve won a Grammy for my performance because I could convince anyone that was old news!  I was such a great actress, I had myself fooled!

I am going to go out on a limb and be completely transparent......I even went so far as to get a tattoo (yes!) to represent a time of moving on after I had thrown the seed to the side of the road--or so I thought! HA.....joke was on me....I do love God's sense of humor! Now I have this "medal" permanently inked on my body (I was smart enough to get in an inconspicuous place!). Let me say that I do not have a problem with tattoos; I actually kinda like some of them!  But now, my tattoo serves a reminder of the poor choices I made when I did things MY way instead of its original intent of marking, what I thought to be, a milestone moment!! Talk about irony!

Why do we or why do I feel justified in doing something so silly? Keeping a grudge? Carrying this around like some 50lb ball on a chain!??

Why not just let it go?

Well, for me, my CHOICE to plant this seed and then give it nourishment for all those years was my way of
 "demanding punishment or restitution" and it was also a self defense mechanism!  You know......"I am NOT going to let that happen ever again!"

Guess what...I was trying to control that which was not mine to control! 
 

 Is that my job? Am I the one who's "owed" something??
 

Absolutely not!  That attitude only resulted in the total loss of control!!!

I had been giving power to a lie from satan! 
 "If I forgive then I am telling them that what they did is ok!!"  THAT IS A LIE!!   That is what happens when we continue to live in our flesh!  We make stupid decisions-----> like getting a tattoo to commemorate a not so memorable event!  haha

Were the actions against me ok?  NO! But my
 REaction was just as bad or worse!

I had justified a million reasons why I needed to stay mad and I would demand "payment" every time this "person" was in my presence! I shudder when I think back to how cruel I was to this person!  I was giving the thief power over my life and allowing him to take away the joy that God intended me to have!
 

Anyone else still with me??
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

But, in the end, I had caused a lot of pain to that other person because I thought they deserved it! I was also punishing myself and those around me!
Time went on and I was blessed with a wonderful husband and three of the most amazing children any woman could hope for!  I had happiness!  I had love! I had all I had hoped for!  But as long as I harbored that one tiny seed from long ago I was not able to have the relationship with God that he had intended for me to have!  As long as my relationship with God was off track, then so were all of my relationships!  There was no true joy, no life to the fullest with an attitude like this! All because of ONE TINY SEED!!

 I had built a wall around my heart so thick and so tall in order to guard it and divert such a painful injury from coming my way ever again that the wall was covering my eyes!  I was blinded by my flesh! 
Anyone in your life needing your forgiveness?  Anyone you NEED to forgive in order to remove that barrier between you and God?
You will, in the end, receive FREEDOM that can only come from obedience to God!

Who knows...................You may even free that person from the bondage you have had them in!! 
 

I pray that God will show you ANY area of your life where you need to show forgiveness!  Sometimes we do not even know that we are harboring seeds of bitterness due to an unforgiving spirit until we dig deeper!!   I pray that you will get to a point of complete and total forgiveness! I pray that God will give you the eyes to see any area that you need to address and give you the wisdom, strength, and heart to address it!

As long as we walk around wearing the past hurts like war medals......we cannot have the relationship with God that He so desires!  We cannot experience the full blessings that God has to offer and we cannot expect for Him to offer us the forgiveness He promises if we cannot forgive others!
 John 10:10  14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

2 Corinthians 2:5-8 Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. (attitude: stand ready to forgive)

Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.(attitude: loving and forgiving just like God forgave you)

God commands us to love like he loves us.....

Matthew 22:36-40 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Can we seriously love like Him--- the unconditional, no matter what someone does/says I still love them way--- if we are still holding a past hurt hostage?!  

Give it to God.....HE WILL set you free from whatever it is!


I did make peace with this person a few years ago and it was one of the most freeing experiences I have ever had! Almost like getting air after being under water for a long period of time!

In return, I got an apology as well! What an unexpected surprise!  A God thing, I am sure of it!

Are you ready for freedom from and no longer a slave to a past/current hurt?

Are you ready to get God's full grace and blessing..........You have to offer that same thing to others first!?

The CHOICE is yours to make!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it is a choice only you can make!

It probably will not be easy! But nothing worth having comes easy!


Love you all!!
Kim
Kim & Christian

The Jaynes Family
Kim, Griffin, Dylan, Cali Rose, and Christian

Fun times!

5 comments:

Lisa T. said...

What a blessing, Kim. A lot of us are not aware of what is keeping us from truly having a relationship with Him. I believe that He is working through the ladies of Shine to equip us (women, mothers, wives) to have that interconnection with our Savior. Thank you for your honesty.

Women Who Pray said...

I messed up...I wrote something and it's gone...:( but I'll try again...

Kim, I've been exactly where you were...and I've made that choice to forgive...and, I had no idea how much would change in me and in the person. In our case, we both apologized...we both walked in the unforgiveness...a terrible place for the one holding the grudge and the one having it held against them. The LORD's prayer says, "Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us. Tiny but powerful word...as. The LORD has given us power as His children...we hold the keys to the Kingdom...we pray in His authority when we pray in His Name. When I realized the depth of the scripture that says, "Whosoever sins I remit (forgive) are remitted (forgiven), and whosoever sins I retain (hold) are retained (held)"...that was astounding to me. Not only does the LORD forgive me as I forgive others, but He does not forgive when I don't. He asks the Pharisees at one point about them not only not entering in but blocking the way of others. He asks me...I mean every time..."Teddi, are you willing to block that person from me?" or He also asks me, "What has that got to do with eternity?" I, of course, have to answer, "Nothing." And, He says very clearly, "Then drop it!!" Kim, I'm so glad you shared this. You truly are my sister in Christ, and I know by your fruit and your love. The LORD says, "You shall know each other by your fruit in one place." In another, He says, "You will know each other by your love." He says, "A good tree can't bear bad fruit, and a bad tree can't bear good fruit. Keep bearing that beautiful fruit, shinegirl!! In Jesus' Name, Amen and Amen.

Rebekah Hudgins Vepraskas said...

I love this, Kim. I had a huge forgiveness blessing last Summer. You're right, it's life-changing- immediately. I loved reading your blog because it reminded me of my big forgiveness experience, too. It also reminds me to let go of present and future bitterness that I could subconsciously be holding on to now. Forgiveness is a form of healing to us all.

I love you~
Beka

Lisa said...

Wow I love your honesty, and humor! Forgiveness is a powerful thing, that's for sure. Thank you so much for writing from your heart.

Angela Crowe said...

Great message Kim! Thank you for sharing and being so honest. I know this post has opened my eyes to be certain I am truly at peace with all people in my life, past & present, and I am sure so many other SHINE girls will be encouraged to do the same to avoid being distant from God. I know for me, I internalize and so sometimes do not even realize that I am holding a grudge because I just choose to not deal with it. You have opened my eyes to be careful and to make right any wrongs I may have without realizing it. Good stuff!

love you!