Feb 9, 2012

Thursday SHINE....

Today's reading: 1 Samuel 29

Good morning, sweet SHINE girls!

 I hope your week has been good. Our SHINE prayer intercessors have been praying daily over you and your precious families.

In fact, each night as I go to bed, I hear your prayer requests in my heart, and I envision your beautiful faces.  Nothing gives me greater joy than to lift your needs up to the Father and lay them at His throne.

He hears each and every one of your prayers sweet friends. Even the unspoken ones. He even knows your thoughts. How incredible is that?

Trust Him. He is working on your behalf.

Be still and wait on Him. Praise Him in the waiting, friends.

Today's guest blogger wishes to remain anonymous. Her story is very timely with so many of us.

Be blessed today, SHINE sisters.

Everything I Hoped You'd Be 
by Bebo Norman

Take me to the desert
You will be the water
I will drink forever to fill my soul

Lead me through the fire of darkness and desire
You will be my shelter, You will be my shelter
I'll find you there, I'll find you there

It's here that I call out It's here that I fall down
It's here that I find out
That you are everything I hoped you'd be

Take me to the river
Lead me to the healer
Let it wash me over, oh my soul

Take me to the mountain
Lead me to the alter
We will build together And I will remember

I found you there, I found you there...

It's here that I call out It's here that I fall down
It's here that I find out
That you are everything

I hoped You'd be the sun that always shines
I hoped You'd be the everlasting life

It's here that I call out It's here that I fall down
It's here that I find out
That you are everything

I hoped You'd be.

This song brings me to tears as in my late teens and 20's I had some very dark days.  And in my immaturity, I hoped that Jesus would come through for me and be...all that I hoped He'd be.

In the words I used above, “would come through for me” are a result of being abandoned by both my parents.  Once at the airport, at the gate where my Mother told me she was not returning with me to where we'd been living and where I was attending boarding school.  I flew 5,000 miles. Alone.  I do not remember how I got from the airport to my High School.  God's angels worked hard that day looking after me.  I was 16.

The above situation resulted in my parents divorcing.  I got stuck in the middle.  Back and forth, back and forth.  Returned home, was told I needed to find my own place.  I had just turned 18.

The next few years I had numerous living situations, some with my dad, they were extremely unpleasant and scary at times.  Another with 2 lesbians (I did not know, so young and naive).  A family member came and got me the next morning because I had been approached by one of the women, (those angels at work again, I was protected). I was very scared and very alone.

Would HE come through for me?
About 18 mos later I was finally in a good, stable living situation, in the basement apartment of this sweet older couple who looked out for me.  But I was still broken on the inside.  Very lonely and even considered suicide on numerous occasions.

Is HE really all that I've been taught that HE is?

Does HE remember me?

One day I sat on my bed and cried out to Him (I was 22).  He was there, of course.  I started to look for Him, get to know Him.  I wanted to see Him through my gaping holes of abandonment.  This process, this long process, took years and years.

A few years into my marriage I (we) experienced great loss and disappointment in the area of having children.  I was broken, once again.  HE was waiting on me.

I would drive to work and put my hand on the passenger seat because I knew He was there with me.  And I would Let. It. Out. To. Him.  He could handle it.  I would crawl up in His lap and beat on His chest crying out.  He could handle it, and would stroke my hair and say to me, “Oh sweet daughter, how I love you and it's all going to be okay.  I promise.”  He was right.

Are you lonely?

Are you broken?

Are you able to see outside of the dark cloud you live in?

He is all you are hoping He is.

Go to Him.  He is there.

Talk to Him.  He is listening.

Crawl up in His lap.  It is big enough.

Cry on His shoulders as our children do.  He is the Great Comforter.

People in your life have abandoned you?  He won't.  He will never leave.

Deuteronomy 31:6  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid because of them, because the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Matthew 11:28  Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Jeremiah 31:25  I will refresh the weary, and satisfy the faint.

I have to give my Heavenly Father all the glory for what He has done in my life.  If it was not for Him, I do not know what would have happened to me.

Dear Lord this story is about You, loving me.  I give you all the praise. 


 Your SHINE girl.


Rebekah Hudgins Vepraskas said...

You story means so much to me, personally. Its hard to believe that you could possibly be the same broken girl. That time in your life was long and empty, directionless. I praise God that you could not be the creation you are without that path. Thank you for the wounds Father, for the healing is filled with You.

I love you, my SHINE sister,

Anonymous said...

Praise God for his powerful impact of love for those of us that were abandoned, he never forsakes us, no matter what life has brought through people and circumstances. Beautifully written and thankful received.

Stephanie said...

Your story hit me in the core of my heart. My greatest struggle with God has been a feeling of abandonment. I felt abandoned and betrayed by my parents and over the years have cried out in anger at God because I felt he had turned his back on me as well.
I am 40 years old and am just now realizing that God WAS with me all along - I just didn't know how to let Him in......I didn't know how to receive HIS love. I put all of my effort into receiving love and affirmation from people and had the same result over and over again - hurt and disappointment. Over the past year I have begun to let my guard down and open my heart to receive God's love. I truly have never felt a peace like I know now. I still face problems and pitfalls, but I can say in complete honesty that I feel a certain peace even in the midst of hitting those bumps - a protection, a feeling that I can "let go of the wheel" and turn it over to God. God never promised us a life without pain, but he did promise that he would be with us through it all. I finally truly feel him just as you described in your story.
Thank you for sharing such raw honesty. I have grown SO much since I've joined Shine and you have taken me one step further. You are a true inspiration for a fellow Shine Girl still in the "infant stages" in my walk with God. :)

Women Who Pray said...

I don't know your Name...but He does!! He knows your name!!! He has chosen you before the foundations of the world to proclaim that He is Good all the time!! He is there through every moment of our lives!! You, with your story here, have broken through for many that will hear this story!!! Gloooorrrrryyyyy!!!! Shouting ground!!!!! Clap Shinegirls!!!! Shout unto God with the voice of triumph!!! Dance...over our enemies!!! Feet up...stomping the enemy!!! Again and again...he didn't win!!! Our God did and does every time!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!!!! :) <3

Aunt Teddi

conny said...

This story is timing for because I feel broken ,lonely and abandoned .... And I and cry out for you my LORD to be everything to me .... Thanks sweet shine girl

Kelly George said...

Thank you for sharing your personal story and this amazing realization of God's love.

Anonymous said...

what a story! God use you in every day life. People are hurting, searching, grasping for anything to take away the pain. Your story tells strength. You story shows that God will not leave you. It tells the true meaning of love!! I will retell your story over and over to others! God is there! God is here! Always and forever---you SHINE, my friend!!
Erin Spinks

Jill said...

thank you for sharing this Stephanie. YOU are a true inspiration as well. love your honesty and transparency, friend.

much love,