Feb 4, 2012

Saturday SHINE....

Happy Saturday, SHINE girls!

Are y'all still with me after yesterday's challenge? Not sure about you, but I am feeling a little lighter on my feet already! The baggage from carrying around my Saul(s) was getting heavier and heavier by the day.

As I was taking a walk yesterday morning, I was praying for my Saul(s) and for all of you and your Saul(s). I remembered a sweet friend of mine going through a healing process a couple of years ago. She had written about it on her blog, and I have never forgotten about it.

I asked her to share her story with us today so that we could all be encouraged in this process of forgiveness and love.

 She wants to remain anonymous in her post because of how personal it is....be blessed, friends.

Jill reminded me this morning of this blog post that I shared a year and a half ago and I’m telling you, it’s so timely.  This is sort of the never-ending story for me.  I’m ok with that but it’s something that I continuously have to keep in check and today was no different.  I got a text from Jill asking me to send her this post about healing and forgiveness just when  that same old “root” was warming up for a Knock Out…

ok, Lord – I’m listening…

Embarking again on my 30 days of healing…see below.

Praying for your healing as I pray for mine,

A healing SHINE girl

A Time to Heal

So, I have a root of bitterness/unforgiveness.  This is nothing new.  I’m married to my root and am more committed to him than you can imagine.  I love him and he loves me but he often says hurtful things that I know he cannot mean.  It’s not an easy road.  My Dad never said such things to my Mom and this didn’t begin until after our first daughter was on the way.  Nevertheless, I know that God has a plan for us.  

I prune this deep rooted pain carefully and then forget about it - - of course, until the next time that my offender kicks that tender spot and I'm right back where I started. It hurts and in those conflicts my reaction doesn't begin to fit the offense, because my root sends my hurt from 5 to 55 in less than a minute.  All of the past pain is right in the forefront of my mind and you guessed it, I’m heaping it all in the same pile, all at once.

One of those tender places in my heart was pricked again just yesterday.  Immediately, my reaction was off the rictor, I was hurt and wishing for once that it didn't have to be so dang hard.  

I wanted to pick up my red phone and express my frustration with a bestie.  Hopefully I'd get some relief (for the moment) but thankfully this time, God sent me straight to a Beth Moore message that I had on DVR.  I had no clue what she would teach in this program - but with a heavy heart, I pressed play.

She spoke about a bitterness and resentment in her life and how she recently committed to a season of healing.  For 30 days, she prayed that God would heal her woundedness.  Every praise song, every devotion and each sermon that she heard for an entire month, she'd apply right to the resentment as she sought a breakthrough.  Through her message, she encouraged me to do the same.  

Her situation was an exact parallel of everything I have been feeling in this area of bitterness in my own life.  I felt a wave of disbelief and joy filling my heart.  
Ecclesiastes 3:3 . . .A time to heal.

Lord, I need a serious healing in this area. Please help me.

With her big round eyes, she looked through the camera at me and said, 

. . .Ok, where do I sign? 

She also referred to this verse and said that it's something that happens over time as we work together with God for complete healing. 

Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

My 30 days begins today, I'm seeking total healing of that root of bitterness and resentment in my heart.  The root system is extensive and outstretched  - -  I've become accustomed to tripping over them frequently.  Can you relate?   Lord, plow and till my heart - for complete freedom in this area.  

She  posted this 4 days after her post above...
God has been so real to me on this journey of healing.  I want to thank you for your encouragement as you spur me on - - is there anything better than words of encouragement?  They are like chocolate mousse or a great pedicure.  I crave them and when they cover me, I feel Jesus through your words and healing seems even closer and more real.

Every song, every verse and yesterday's sermon spoke straight to my healing and my root is definitely shrinking, I can feel it.  Praise God!!

I have held onto my roots like badges of honor - not wanting to forget or let it go.  
Again. . .Forgiveness doesn't make it OK, it makes ME ok. 

I'm so thankful for the process of binding up my woundedness - right now, I'm picturing myself on a low stool and my Sweet Saviour at my feet applying the soothing balm of his Spirit and wrapping my wounds, while reminding me that He can care for them much better than me.
Forgiveness is possible because of HIM.  Healing is possible because of the same.  How about 30 days of focusing on this.  Feeling like I won the lotto. 
Enjoying the view of freedom on the horizon… :)


Anonymous said...

Your post touched a nerve with me, or far better a root. The pain of being physically or mentally abused is a hard pill to swallow when it comes from the one who loves you. Forgiveness sounds simple, but it is complicated and woven into a hard tedious knot. I have experienced that zero turn from zero to 60 so many thousand times, it comes and blindsides still. God keeps this heart pumping, he has been my only source of hope.

Anonymous said...

I live with my root as well. However, God has shown me through the life of Saul that I needed to act like David,which is hard. I found myself having pity on my situation, and kind of looking at myself like a martyr. But after reading this week, God has shown me that I have a lot of work to do on my heart in all of this. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. I was used to "wearing the badge" as you said. It was who I was, sadly. God wants my life to shine for my husband, and even if it takes a long time, I will not give up. Even if it is my life's mission to be a light for my husband, I accept it. Not as a martyr anymore, but as a child of the Lord. God has put me in this house for a reason, and even though it gets tough a lot, I will stay strong like David. Yes, I will. My heart will soften towards him, and I trust and BELIEVE that his heart will be transformed by God. Also I will go to the Lord instead of picking up my phone and having a friend try to bandaid my wound. I will go to the Lord first, the only true healing place. I have new hope when I wake up now. My perspective is changing so much!I will be praying for you as well.

Anonymous said...

What a great way to start the weekend! Thank you ANON for sharing your story!

My favorite part:
"Again. . .Forgiveness doesn't make it OK, it makes ME ok."

I often want something in return for my forgiveness and when that does not occur I allow the wound to remain open...therefore not allowing myself to heal which then leads to all sorts of issues!

I have been of the belief that giving someone forgiveness is a sign of my weakness, giving in to their power to hurt me!

Forgiving when I do not think they DESERVE IT or when I want to dictate how it plays out! Or forgiving when they do not want it or do not know about it.........I have thought that has allowed them to have an upper hand on me! I become the weaker one or the victim by giving in!

WHAT messed up mentality!

Thankful God has not acted that way towards me when I have needed his forgiveness!

THANKFUL for a group of women willing to share in God's word, put their stories on the world wide web, and put their heart on the line for ..................TRUE healing!

The time has come...time to let God bind up those wounds and let them go!

Loving that this foggy lie I have been living under is finally being lifted and I can begin see people through eyes focused on God, and I can begin to LOVE LIKE JESUS did when he walked the earth!

Oh...is there any greater blessing?

Have a blessed weekend Shine girls!

Love to all
Kim J

Jamie said...

You are so very strong. I only pray things are better for you today a year and half later. Honestly, I don't know if I could deal with living with someone day after day that wounds with words. Maybe because that is a sore spot for me -- controlling the tongue. Praise God, I am much better now, but I continually have to check myself. Not to take out the frustrations and worries of everyday life out on those I love. I pray for the holy spirit to calm my spirit -- many times a day. I pray that your mate realizes how lethal words can be. Thanks for sharing your story. I pray you have peace.

Anonymous said...

...and what about the folks in your life where you just have to walk in DAILY forgiveness. i have those people. something will trigger a past pain, thought, rejection, feeling...i have learned to stop those thoughts PRONTO, and say, "oh Lord Jesus, I want to walk in forgiveness, help me please, help me", and He does, of course. it's so hard, when you've been hurt it seems more times than not.

thank you for sharing your story. my heart is heavy for you as you live with your source of discomfort.

may you continue to find comfort, strength and hope. in the One.

Mary Hudgins Balicki said...

So true, my sweet sister. I want to encourage you to be faithful - believing that God sees and recognizes this grace even when our loved one is blind to our faithfulness. Keep on, keeping on. You're not alone.

conny said...

It's true forgiviness doesn't make it ok ... It make me ok ..... It's is really hard when you been hurt and betray for the person you love the most and the friend that you trust in ... But I am on my way to healing and forvigenes ... God is helping me to have love and forgiveness ... I pray for my Saul 's yesterday witch I have 4 end one was keep coming to my dreams and I found my self wish her bad ... So I will pray to god to help me to forgive this Saul is difficult because she still hurting me but I pray for her ....and I will continuo to do it because I don't want this felling in my heart any longer ..... Please my sweet Lord help me thru this trail in my life .......