Feb 27, 2012

Monday SHINE....

Today's Reading: Romans 10

so, after I posted this...
i received this in my inbox. it is from another blog that i am subscribed to.
 coincidence? no way.

Good morning, SHINE.

As I write to you now, I am very tired. My eyes are blood shot because I had zero sleep.

I have a doctor's appointment today, and for the last 3 days my mind has been consumed with fear.

Fear of the worst possible scenario.

Here's where I am exposed and you see the many weaknesses in my walk.  Fear is something that I struggle with on a daily, moment by moment basis.

Fear is what keeps me from living the life that He has so richly planned for me.

Fear is where my faith and my flesh meet and battle it out for Truth.

Don't get me wrong, some days are better than others. However, at this very second, my mind and my flesh have gotten the best of me.

It makes me so mad. My faith and love for God is real. Very, very real. He is so intimate with me on a daily basis. He reveals Himself to me in many ways. We are tight.

However, when fear creeps in, my awareness of Him dissipates. Not because He leaves, but because I leave.

I go running to the nearest rock to cling on to for dear life. It is almost like everything goes black and I have tunnel vision. I make up a million scenarios of "what-ifs" and replay them in my little head until I am physically nauseous.

I'm being completely real. I do not know any other way to be. Especially given my tiredness and lack of sleep.

Girls, I would be lying if I told you that I had this fear thing figured out. I don't.

I know the verses to go to, I know the prayers to pray, I know the people to reach out to. However, my flesh gets the best of me, and the disconnect happens.

I say the right words, but my heart and my mind fear the opposite. My head conjures up pictures and scenarios of the future that I  imagine and it frightens me so much.

So, as I read Romans this morning, I had to insert my name in one of the passages. Because today, I am like the Israelites that Paul is preaching to.

Here is the scripture: "For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge." Romans 10:2

Here is the way I translate it this morning: "For I can testify about Jill, that she is zealous for God, but her zeal is not based on knowledge."

I looked up the definition of zealous:  ardently active, devoted, or diligent.

In other words, I am devoted, diligent, and ardently active, but I struggle with the knowledge that God will save me and protect me. I can quote scripture after scripture regarding God's protection, His love, His peace; however, when fear kicks in there is a huge gaping hole in my knowledge.

It seeps out the nearest crevice, and let's the huge ugly monster of fear into this little heart of mine.

So, this is where I'm at this morning girls. This faith journey is a daily walk for me. Yes, the encouragement comes natural, it is a God-given gift. However, the walk for myself is what is the hardest.

If today, you are struggling with some fear, with some doubt, with some "what-ifs", you are not alone, friend. I too, am holding your hand and walking down that foggy path with you.

A lot of times, that strength and that peace will wash over me. Other times, I keep that crevice open for it to slip back out and let the fear make it's way in my heart and mind.

I hear Paul speaking to me this morning, loud and clear. I don't want to be just zealous in my actions and words, but also zealous in my heart and in my knowledge of Him.

Zealous from the inside out.

daily fighting the battle,


"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." psalm 94:19


Mary Hudgins Balicki said...

Sweet friend...you are so precious. Love your transparent heart. Thankfully, we can set our faithlessness at the foot of the Cross. He wants that part of us, too. I struggle with not trusting him with a particular need because it's MY need after all but Hello--he supplies all of my needs. Thank you for holding a spotlight over the fear and calling it out. May you be blessed with peace even now. <3 praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Jill, this is a great post. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your heart and fears. this is also perfect to go with what I found what I was reading last night. I shared it on my blog, let me see if I can copy and past in here:
God's Got This!!!!

Source: etsy.com via Melina on Pinterest

I found this on Pinterest a while back and repinned. I saw it again today and thought I'd post it for a good reminder. We don't need to worry and fear and stress and lose site of all the blessings in our life.
God's got this!
Rise up and be blessed. Smile. God's with you!!

Deuteronomy 1:29-31 NKJV - "29. .......do not be terrified, or afraid of them. 30. The Lord your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you, according to all He did for you in Egypt before your eyes, 31. and in the wilderness where you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place."

ok sorry the beatiful image wouldn't transfer but the bible verses did. :) Rise up and be blessed. God's GOT THIS!!!

Women Who Pray said...

Jill, sweetie, I grew up with the verse,"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. I used to say it all the time. As recent as something that happened with my great niece, Amelia, I began to say Psalm 112 every day. Verse 7-8 specifically speaks to your appointment with the doctor. The chapter is speaking to the Blessed Man and you, dear, fall into that category...He will not be afraid of evil tidings; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is established; He will not be afraid, until he sees his desire upon his enemies. Isaiah 43: 1b-3a goes like this. I sing it...sang it to Baba when she was diagnosed with breast cancer...she held onto that scripture all through her chemo...Fear not for I have redeemed thee, I have called you by your name, you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned. Neither shall the flame kindle upon you, for I AM the LORD your God.

Training my mind not to dwell on anything fearful and scarey was not possible until I realized that those thoughts were not mine but firey darts of the evil one to terrify me. I had to deliberately replace every thought with scripture. To choose to not go there! To speak the Word to myself out loud!! I know the battle well...not necessarily fearful but certainly tormenting and filling on the water of the WORD constantly has been the only way...note I say this in bold faced print ...ONLY!!!!!! way to not be afraid or weak or pitiful!!! The WORD is life!!! to all my flesh...including my mind...it is fruitful even if I think on anything else...but it is bad fruit!!! Practice makes perfect we have heard all our lives...and yet, we forget to practice thinking correctly. We have to!!! These last days there are more and more of the evil one's plans coming against us than ever! Last Saturday, Germaine Copeland said, Teddi, I believe that it's like one of the vials in Revelation has been poured out on marriage! I said, You know, Germaine, it certainly does seem that way to me also. I mean she was talking of a 20-yr marriage with 5 children still at home, and I am near one of 32 years with grown children and 2 grands. I talk to myself, Jill, and I say, Not going there.. and begin to read aloud the word..or recite..or play praise Word music...and resist the devil...it takes more sometimes than others! I'm asked a lot these days...how do you do what you're doing? I mean praying so much...going to Bible studies...participating in a total of 4 plus praying on the fb wall..I do not to brag or perform...it keeps my mind stayed on Him!! I do very little of mundane stuff...magazines, novels, most TV, radio...places my mind in battle with the evil one...causes me to stray...and be offended...or whatever...I do little trivia...the battle field is for the mind. So many minds under attack..so many drugs needed to cope...The WORD is health to all flesh!!!! It is the medicine we need!!! for all things!!!! Love you, girl!! Keep going in the WORD!!! Love you, Aunt Teddi

Kelly George said...

Praying for you today, Jill!

Anonymous said...

You've got my prayers sweet girl! I struggle with everything you just mentioned above. I had a hard time going to sleep last night, and finally told the Lord, "Okay, I'm handing it over to You." I had to visualize myself with a stack of things in my hands, physically handing it to Him. He wants to take it from you! I'm fighting this battle with you, and praying for you!

Praying for you today and always that the Lord would lift this heavy spirit of fear off of your life and mind, and that He would clear the path before you. Asking that He give you peace and clarity. Lord, cover your precious daughter, Jill, today with your love and grace, cover her so heavy with your presence and spirit that the enemy and all of his darkness is driven out completely and away by your light. Asking that you deliver her from this heavy burden. Replace this fear with confidence, faith, hope, truth, life, joy, and your love. Asking that You send your angels to minister to her, to comfort her, and lift her back up to where You would have her to be. Thank you for Jill and all that she is. In Jesus Name, Amen. Love, Sarah

Rebekah Hudgins Vepraskas said...

Thank you for "going there." Jill, I know you're really "looking up" this morning and I know God loves that part. I am praying for the peace of Jesus Christ to come. Christ behind me... Christ below me... Christ within me... Christ above me...Christ in front of me. Let is be so, Lord, within us. Allow Jill's zealous faith to shine this morning like never before. KNOWING You are right there, bringing that Peace. I pray she sees you, everywhere, bringing that Peace, Amen and Amen.

I love you so, sweet friend.

Anonymous said...

And this is for you Jill!

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." Psalm 34:4-5

"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them." Psalm 34:7 (The footnotes of my Bible say, "God sees and hears. He is deeply attentive to His children's needs and actions.")

You are so anointed and helping so many, the enemy can't help but to try to attack you and torment you. He hits us where He knows it hurts the most. You must be doing "A lot" right! :) God will carry you through this, and bless you for your obedience to Him. Love, Sarah

BsW said...

I am fairly new to "Shine Girls". I started reading a couple of weeks ago and I praised God for your knowledge and wisdom.
This morning when I read your thought's I had to tell myself
to breath. I have also experienced fear that paralized me in my tracks, in the house, in the car, on a sidewalk, at a gathering.
I understand.

Praying for you on this day that is the Lord's Day.
Praying that rejoicing will come through His perfect peace.
Praying, praying and praying.

Shine Jesus Shine.

Sharon A said...


Thank-you for sharing your struggle with us this morning. It is beneficial to all of us who think we're alone in our fears. The enemy uses the same strategies on all of us!
But God is faithful to His word. Even with our fear and doubts, He remains the same. We can trust Him. When I wake up in the same boat of fear and anxiety again and again I get really mad at the devil and I start speaking the word out loud in the night, tearing down strongholds and proclaiming God's victory in my life. After a little bit (or a lot)of spiritual warfare I am able to fall back asleep. It's when I just want to ignore the battle and "hope" that it goes away that the devil gains a foothold in my mind. I have to do battle each time the fear or anxiety creeps up to keep the enemy at bay! Blessings, Sharon

Terri Abbott said...

I am receiving this word from you Jill. Thank you for your vulnerability. It doesn't matter who we are or how strong we appear, the enemy attacks at our weaknesses. YES! We know the verses and we have support and encouragement but it's walking it one step at a time. I am battling fears and anxiety right now over some circumstances in my life, when I go to sleep and when I wake up, then to put it in place and try to walk on the high road just takes the overcoming power of God and I pray this for all of us today, sometimes I can get there and sometimes I can't. 'Lord lift us up where we belong where the eagles fly on mountains high' Come Holy Spirit and bring comfort and truth in the midst of our battle and enable us to do as Paul teaches us to count it a joy for the trials set before us (oh boy) as it will produce endurance in us. Help us see with your eyes Father. As we band and hold hands together, we are not alone in the storm, we have loving sisters and we have YOU Lord. Amen

Anonymous said...

It only seems appropriate that Satan would attack you. You are putting God's truth out there every day and the enemy will do whatever it takes to make you feel ineffective or feel powerless to fear. I learned long ago that our imaginations are much worse than our realities. Tell yourself, "what if".... (fill in the blank with your worst fear), "then what?". Then take it out every step as far as you can imagine. When you get to the end of your what if's/then what's, you realize it's not that bad.

The truth is, we will never "arrive" at perfection until Jesus comes again, so we just need to do our best, pray and ask for help. Praying for you today, my friend!


Jill Hill said...

Oh my goodness, I am so humbled by your comments,prayers, emails, phone calls and texts. WOW.

Update: The dr. appt. went well. She said she sees no cause for concern, and I will have blood work drawn on Friday just to verify and check my thyroid levels.

So, it looks like it was just some "female" stuff that goes along with the hormones territory. :)

Thank you, again for everything. I am FEELING the prayers, and have a peace. Not just because of getting good news, but because of your prayers and God's Presence.

This is my story, and I long to tell it to anyone and everyone that can benefit from it. I used to try to hide my fears, anxieties, etc..because they were embarrassing. God is showing me that others need to hear my story, and look to HIM. (including, myself.)

much love,


Jill Hill said...

praying for you too, sweet friend. thank you for reaching out.

Jill Hill said...

sharon, thank you so much for this. my heart is truly blessed.

Jill Hill said...

sarah, you know i love you, sweet girl. <3 thank you so much for this and your prayers.

Jill Hill said...

love this! thank you, melina. you are AWESOME!!

Jill Hill said...

thank you, kelly!! i am so humbled by your sweet prayers.

Jill Hill said...

band together, holding hands...i love that image. thank you, terri. i love you!

Jill Hill said...

wow!!!!! i you, A.T.!!!

tablerbunch said...

Thank you for sharing your heart! I recently went through something similar. The fear is suffocating. Praying for peace and understanding :)

Anonymous said...

My sweet little Jill! you know I would take on satan for you if I could!

BUT...only you can completely let go and let God do his thing!

Rebuke satan when he tries to slither in and rob you of your joy! This is no different that satan tripping up an alcoholic or drug user or any thing that takes our focus off God!

Don't let this stronghold of fear cause you to stumble, or doubt, or question your faith!

I realize there are times when we worry or become fearful but God is sovereign and only He can free you from this bondage of fear................


11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Now, DRY IT UP and carry on with what God has planned for you!

muuuuuuuuuuuuuusaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! xoxoxo

love and hugs..............
Kim J

Susan and Jason said...

Jill keeping you in my prayers girl! I'm so thankful for you because you have changed my life with this blog. I am lost without reading your posts everyday! Thank you!! Also...what blog do you read that has those bible verses written so cute??